3.31.2003 :::
That was deep, Lauren.
Gay Baby will likely cum tomorrow, so sorry, all you fans.
However, the highlight of my day was very possibly seeing a man who represents all this blog stands for.
Yes, children, a real Guy With Boobs (TM).
Munching on some high-quality snausages(remember, Dan? Mark Loy and the WoT parodies? Of course you do..), a thin, Indian man, nonchalantly entered Kenney Gym. And he had breasts. Now, this is not an uncommon sight. There are lots of fat men or old men with big saggy manboobs. There is also myself, whereas I appear to have no boobs, a knowledgeable person will know that my boobs are merely hibernating. But! This was a thin man! And these were not saggy fat manboobs! No! They were REAL female boobs, medium-sized. I described it to Zuke, and he was like "Are you sure they weren't just pecs?" and I was like "Fuck no! They were sticking out big-time! They were BOOBS!" And then he stole my story, pretended it happened to him, and told it to Casey. What an ass-monkey. Zuke wanted to go watch him change to see if he needed a bra, but I found that idea just a little disturbing.
Mmmm.... Cheezits!
Item #2: LAUREN IS A MAN! Sorry, Lauren, but it must be true. And here is my complicated logic that everyone seems to agree with. Yuki is lucky enough to possess "skanky lesbian neighbors". However, despite their attempts, he refuses to fuck them. This can only mean one thing, and that is that Yuki is gay! Yuki claims they're just not hot lesbians, but I think we all know better. The only conflicting evidence is Yuki's undeniable attachment to Lauren. Seeing how he is gay, he must know something the rest of us don't! Thus, LAUREN IS A MAN!
I also had a fun argument with Ted/Kangway where he said the key word was "HOT" and I said the key word was "LESBIAN". Then I thought about all our lesbian teachers, and decided he was right.
Mmmm.... I'm full!
My blast from the past was very blasting and very pasty. (That almost worked.) There I was in a chat, probing Barr about his incestual relationships, when Shedvl444 entered the chatroom. Noone knew who this was, until Barr was sensible enough to look into her Buddyprofile and see that she was Sage. While her prior claim to fame among us was her supposed cybersex with Andre, an event she denies, I realized that she was on my team in 6th grade at UMS, the Pathfinders. This brought back lots of unwanted memories, such as JACINDA COX! JACINDA COX! JACINDA COX! JACINDA COX! JACINDA COX! JACINDA COX! JACINDA COX! JACINDA COX!
Eerily enough, I kind of liked her in 6th grade, but I never had the balls to do anything. And just to make sure the demons of my past can never be exorcised, the following exchange took place:
S: What's your name again
J: Jeremiah
S: Hmm... Were you tall?
J: Yes
S: I remember you! But not that well.. I remember thinking you were kinda cute tho.
(I slap forehead)
I knew I should have gone for her when I actually cared. Oh well. Now, that's just really really really funny.
Mmmm.... Getting tired!
Mo wants me to come up with a name for her flavored condom company. But besides Dildo Dan and Jerry-Flavored Condoms, I have no ideas. Damn...
Everyone is beginning to invade this blog now. I guess it is a group blog. I think it would be fun if we had a group blog orgy. And maybe I'll describe more than just taking off my socks and watch, which is my standard cybersex procedure. I think Barr and I may have done this on Yang's forums, but it would also be exciting to do it in a group.
I don't really want to stop typing, cause I'm on a creative roll and I feel like pouring my heart out, and revealing to you all my painful secrets. And if I had any painful secrets to release, I would release them in a fit of ecstasy. (Giant Metaphor Alert: "creative roll" and "pouring out" should have been clever hints. Read between the lines!
Other News:
Greg, tired of his Gregness, is getting a Gregoctomy. This involves the removal of his Grectum, which will leave him as an Ungreg. This must be pondered.
Yes, I stole that from Dan. Good.
Does anyone think Bolesta will mind if I write a reading journal entry about the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue? I want to describe one of the model's bodies in great detail, like this: "Her breasts, soft and supple. If you were to squeeze them with the faintest touch, you would be lost, lost to all but those breasts. As your hand would be moving slowly down, you would start to shiver, encased in the beginnings of the ultimate pleasure." I think Bolesta would get a boner. I think I am getting a boner.
Mmmm.... Bed time
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/31/2003 09:45:00 PM
A blast from the past! Click here for the audio transcript from the first gay Baby episode.
Ok... the hores are invited. I dunno when they're gonna cum on... ROFLOLMAO!! BRB, I G2G! TTYL! YIAD (Yang in a dumbass)!
::: posted by Dan at 3/31/2003 11:22:00 AM
3.30.2003 :::
I haven't posted anything substantial in a really long time...
So this can only mean one thing
Gay Baby Season 2!!!
Episode 7: The Chesty Cheeseburger Championships
N: Having been brutally slain by Kirill's Dad, Gay Baby finds himself in an interesting conundrum. He is in Hell.
GB: Fuck, where the fuck am I?
(a disembodied voice infiltrates his mind and attacks it vigorously)
V: GAY BABY YOU ARE IN HELL!!!
GB: Is that Satan???
V: YES!
GB: Oh Satan, your voice, it's so stimulating...
V: ...
GB: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARggggggggggggghHHHHHHHHHh! That was refreshing.
V: YOU REALLY DO BELONG HERE! WITH YOUR PROWESS, YOU WILL CERTAINLY BE A WELCOME ADDITION TO MY HAREM. I THINK YOU WILL FIND SOME FAMILIAR FACES.
(Gay Baby is teleported to a cramped room, with a sign hanging over it that reads "The Whorish Wharem of Whell")
An obese red penguin with a bad case of hemorrhoids is sprawled over a bed, naked. Surrounding him, pleasuring his various orifices, are Kirill, Linder, Herr W, Scoobusboob, Caseyfarid, and Douche X.
GB: Wow so many villains
P: I AM SATAN!!!
(Gay Baby starts laughing.)
GB: There's something too ironic about this...
S: GAY BABY, DO YOU DESIRE TO BE MY ETERNAL SEX SLAVE???
GB: With that voice... Oh I would want nothing more!!!
S: WELL SO DO ALL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS!!! THUS WE WILL HAVE OURSELVES A LITTLE TOURNAMENT! THERE WILL BE 8 CONTESTANTS, INCLUDING MYSELF. YOU WILL HAVE "ONE-ON-ONE" MATCHES WHERE THE GOAL WILL BE TO MAKE THE OTHER PERSON CUM. WHOEVER GIVES OUT THE MOST CUM LOSES AND WILL BE FUSED WITH CASEYFARID!!!
CF: Fuck, I thought I wasn't going to be killed at all, and now I have to take on more people!
GB: Hahahahhahahah. Fuck you too.
SB: (singing to the tune of Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough:
Cum on with the Zukedick
Don't stop 'til you eat it all
Cum on!)
K: I know I can make Gay Baby cum plenty.
L: (thinks to herself) If I orgasm, the universe will implode due to the sheer weight of my semen. Hmmm... I don't think this little secret will be shared anytime soon.
DX: I hope I get to battle Herr W, that hot chunk of man-meat.
HW: I hope I get to battle Mr. Bergandine, that hot chunk of man-meat.
S: MWAAHAHAHAH
THE FIRST-ROUND PAIRINGS ARE AS FOLLOWS:
DOUCHE EX/BERGANDINE VS. HERR W
(They eye each other hungrily.)
GAY BABY VS. KIRILL
(The two ex-lovers give each other cold stares, ones which seem to represent a roiling sea of painful emotions, but at closer glance, it can be assumed that they are merely giving each other ocular hickeys. Their relationship was always prominently physical anyways...)
SCOOBUSBOOB VS. CASEYFARID
(They both have theme songs!!!)
MYSELF VS. LINDER
To be continued in episode 8...
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/30/2003 08:12:00 PM
3.27.2003 :::
on a sidenote, Barr and Jerry seem really frightened by the sleepover... I wonder why? Perhaps some more photos are in order to "loosen the strings"...
remember, the steps in coping are denial, anger, acceptance, rape.
::: posted by Dan at 3/27/2003 10:32:00 PM
Wow, Dan's not Admin!
Photos?
What photos?
That sleepover never happened, so there certainly aren't photos!
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/27/2003 02:50:00 PM
Dan, I seriously am going to have to come to your house and fuck your sister if you don't give me admin back by tomorrow.
I am not going to delete the pictures; they're not real, so it's irrelevant!
Oh yeah, it's sure a SHAme I wound up with Emily, Dan. First she's a lesbian, then next she's in love with me! Am I a woman???
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/27/2003 01:06:00 PM
Ok, for some reason people aren't posting... I assume this is because Spring Break has that kind of tendency to do that to a person, maybe it's LAUREN'S LUSCIOUS ASS. No, not really. I'm chatting with Lauren, Emily, and Dawn now, so forgive my sudden outbursts. Anyway... so they mentioned a wierd spoof of our ratings that they did where they drew names out of a hat to decide matchups... Emily got Jerry (the comments are already in my head, so you don't need to say them to me), Betsy got Henry twice. Ask them for more details. And also- make sure you get to see the pics below! Spread the word.
So, to clarify: it's been coming to our attention that more and more people read the blog. That's good. I've decided that in order for that popularity to grow into a blistering pus filled wart we will need more people on the blog. SO- shout out to this post, and I'll decide if I want you on the blog. Send me your Blogger username or email if u don't have one. It's late. I'm bored. LAUREN'S LUSCIOUS ASS.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/27/2003 12:39:00 AM
btw, that movie was dreamcatcher as barr failed to mention.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/27/2003 12:26:00 AM
3.26.2003 :::
well, i just got back from a "great" movie. as a matter of fact, i'll post about it it was so good. first of all, it was steven king, well, steven king on crack. i swear. it was REALLY random ; as in random to the point of insanity.
WATCH OUT! THIS IS A SYNOPSIS OF THE MOVIE! IF YOU WANT TO WATCH IT DONT READ THIS!
it starts out with these 4 guys what could read minds. they all went on a trip to a cabin, where they saw a bunch of animals(with red marks) running away from somethign (at this point only 2 were at the cabin, the others must have teleprted away just to have the pleasure of driving back to the cabin). then they found a guy that had HUGE BREASTS! then the two that were there left him asleep in a room, and when they got back, the hugeness had moved from his chest to his stomach. and it was moving around. they left again then came back to find blood on the floor in footprints from the bedroom to the bathroom. they busted the door down to see him dead and bleeding while sitting on the pot. they looked in theh toilet (after pushing him off) and found a huge turd-like worm with like 495724785 teeth. they trapped it in the toilet with one guy(beefer) sitting on the toilet lid to keep it trapped, while jonesy left to get duct tape from the shed. beefer spilt his tooth picks and bent to pick it up, then the worm jumped out and ate him. jonesy got back and the worm was gonna eat him until an alien came and exploded into his head in order to take over his body. he did, and then it flashes to the other guys (pete and henry).
henry is driving on a snowy raod when they see this woman sitting in the middle of the street. they swerve and crash into a tree. pete says that his leg is broke, but then he gets out and starts walkign to the woman. that both go and she says "i need to tell rick(that guy that pooped the worm)." they walk to a camp and set up a fire. henry leaves to get a snowmobile and henry leaves to get beer from the truck. this leaves the woman alone to crap out another worm and die there. pete comes backdrunk, of course, and starts peeing in the snow. (WATCH OUT! if male and have a weak heart, dont read) the worm jumps out of the snow and bites henry in the balls and hold on as he spins around. he jumps on the fire with his crotch diraectly on it, and basically he kills it. flah to an army base.
at the army base basically this black dude(commmander) tells us that he is fighting alieans and wants to kill them all.
NOT FINISHED will finish later
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/26/2003 08:46:00 PM
3.24.2003 :::
Now for an actual post...
I'll agree on some degree with my fellow with a pedigree (Oh shit I'd better stop now), Jerry, that nothing happened Saturday night and Sunday morning. Nothing besides watching Sorority Boys and doing Gay Ratings. No half - naked fondling, cuddling, masturbation. None. No way, Jose. So, if you ask Jerry or I, we won't tell you anything except that we did Gay Ratings. Of course, torture in a Turkish bath might pry from us some deep, buried traumas, but only if leather is involved. Mmmmm, leather. If you look at the obviously fake photos below, it's pretty clear that we didn't go beyond the limits of good taste. Yeah, and by the way, I really hate sarcastic hypocrites.
Ok, about spring break- yes, it's erotic, but I'm bored. If anyone wants to get together, you're welcome to call... I'm here aaaaaaaall the time. *sob*
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/24/2003 11:30:00 PM
Ok, I lied. I got them up from home. Here is the incrimination of Jerry and Barr:
You'll have to right-click these and say, "save as" to view them.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT?
THERE IS NOTHING HERE!
I've temporarily disabled Jerry's admin status, should he actually care about these. Sorry.
Hahahahaha!
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/24/2003 11:15:00 PM
As far as I'm concerned, that party never happened.
It may have been arousing, but it was more scary than anything.
YOUR RUBE IS YOUNG AND HANDSOME
SO NEW TO YOUR BEDROOM FLOOR
That was random. I have no idea what to write about. I could summarize the party, but it's becoming kind of legendary, and I don't wanna ruin that by explaining all the sick stories, which tend to be true.
I may start writing a novel tonight or something. I was going to get off the Web a few minutes ago, but then I decided to stay on. Even though I'm only talking to Yang, I think I'll stay online for another 2 hours or so. Yeah, my novel will be really perverse and well-written. Look for it in a couple months/years or something.
Another project of mine is going through all these CD's I have laying around and never listen to to see if they're of quality. I doubt they will be, though.
THROUGH THE RIVER AND THE SEA
GOLD SHARKS GLITTERING
A TREE OF WHITE
BREAKS THE EARTH
I like Spring Break. It's erotic, in a very unerotic way. I'm really warm. I'm gonna turn the fan on.
I'm going well in an attempt to make the most boring post ever.
So, to really be boring, and be an ass, here's my thoughts on .... The War on Iraq!
It's become hip to have some sort of opinion on the war, cause it makes people feel good about themselves. It also makes people feel good to be anti-war, cause then they don't feel like mindless automotons going along with whatever the government say. It also makes people feel good to say the war is about oil, cause then they get to be pretentious little assholes. (I think that ruined the sensibility of this post. Oh well, it felt good to write. Haha that was ironic.)
I don't have a clear-cut opinion on the whole thing, but I do think it is necessary.
For those who disagree, talking about loss of lives, which I sympathize with and cannot counterpoint, or horrible consequences, which I think will happen with or without a war, here's something to think about.
Do you realize that Saddam Hussein has professional rapists, who, if an Iraqi man commits a crime, may go to that man's house and rape his wife? Do you realize that is just the tip of the iceberg? Some will say it is not our business. But it is. As a global superpower, it is our duty to go into Iraq, Afghanistan, or anywhere else, and take care of these regimes. Some will say we should be focusing on countries that are more of a threat, like North Korea. Unfortunately, if we attack North Korea, they will unleash artillery shells on Seoul within minutes. Iraq cannot do something of that sort. Personally, I feel the lost lives is worth bringing freedom to the Iraqi people. Maybe I'm just a dreamer, too eager to believe in our government, too eager to believe we're doing good for them, but it certainly makes me feel better. And to imply that the war is about oil... I can't even express my negative feelings towards that opinion. It just offends the hell out of me.
Yeah!
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/24/2003 08:18:00 PM
3.23.2003 :::
Gay Rating results!!!!
The photos are temporarily down, wait till after spring break.
Here
Yeah.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/23/2003 04:19:00 PM
3.22.2003 :::
Drumroll, please. Yes, ladies, gentlemen, and tomeks! The moment you have been waiting for... the TRI ANNUAL OVERLOOKED SEX FESTIVAL!!!! Featuring Max, Jerry, and me, plus Barr as an honored victim/guest, we will spend Saturday night at my house, doing what we normally do... only this time, there are NO RULES! Yes, you know what to expect- Gay ratings! Horror / Perverse movies! SEX! TRUTH OR DARE (without the truth)! It's been done countless times before, only now... we're allowing you guys' input! Just IM me at ZUOMANXX on AIM from 4:00 to 3:00 pm-am Saturday and Sunday and give us comments, questions, and suggestions! If we think you're worthy enough, you'll get an honored recognition on the blog! Yes, and you may even have the chance of being able to post here. Maybe not. but it's STILL WORTH A TRY!
Like the ad? Well, it's all true, considering my dial-up connection isn't fucked up. In any case, send an email if you can't reach the AIM username. Hopefully it'll be as perverted and enticing as last time. Oh and, Jerry and Max- leave this post on top for a while.
Alright, I'll stop moving this post up. Anyway, I was thinking of getting the image on our blog replaced with some to better describe us... I think either the sleepover or sring break will give me the time and opportunity to do so. Yeah, it's 1:07, and I'm not going to type anymore.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/22/2003 01:09:00 AM
3.21.2003 :::
Damn, I am really tired... At least it's Spring Break, but I'm still somewhat dreading the race at Charleston tomorrow morning. As I reflect on this, I think I'm actually looking forward to it in a weird semi-sadomasochistic way. I'm running varsity in the 3200 with Zuke, which is the 1st time in my running career that I have actually earned a varsity spot when I am compared with the whole of the team. I ran this meet last year, but only because all the seniors were on Senior Trip, and Slichter was gone. I'd love to break 11:30 and I'd love to finally take Zuke in a race this year... He is 3-0 against me in 1600 competition, although I did beat the fuck out of him in the 3200 time trial, but I don't envision that happening again. We'll see...
And with the coming of Spring Break, comes another one of our famed sleepover parties. The projected lineup is me, Dan, Barr, and Max, and we will enjoy each others' bodies immensely. Naturally, we will do the Gay Ratings Tournament, in commemoration of March Madness. This is where we roll dice to see who's the gayest person in our class/school. Anna was our Grand Champion last time, and Drew won out of the guys, earning him the title "The Gay Guy". This is funny. Like, Drew comes into the locker room before Track on Tuesday, and I'm like, "It's Drew Hauffe! Or should I say... The Gay Guy!" And then Kirill says "The Gay Guy!", being the weird little man off on a plane to Russia that he is. Naturally, with Kirill going to Russia, Hugh is on his way to Ireland, and Dan was threatened with a trip to China over the summer. This gives me some weird longing for some fake homeland to fly out to on vacations. Unfortunately, there is no home for meth addicts, only prisons with dogs disguised as men disguised as women.
This was kind of like my old posts from when this whole thing got started on the old site, in that it is fairly uninteresting. I think I like it better that way. The publicity is starting to get to me...
And I am really really really tired!
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/21/2003 04:18:00 PM
3.19.2003 :::
Much like Dan, I haven't posted anything here in awhile. I have simply watched and laughed as the whole thing has spun crazily out of proportion. Only now do people realize how bizarre some of us are. Anyways, I doubt many people actually read this, although, since I'm curious, if you read or skim this post, or just read this simple sentence, click the little "Shout-Out" toolbar, and state your name, address, phone number, and the person you value most in your life. Give similar personal info for them, too. Do not worry, I will not use your info for anything bad; your valued person, on the other hand, I will feed to my sister.
Well, I have a track meet tonight. I now have a 5:17 mile and I think I can cut that down even more. The important thing is that I beat that time and also, that I take down Zuke, and possibly Kangway, if he goes slow enough. When I break 5:00, the world as we know it will end, so that's something to look forward to! Yes, when that 4:59.9 appears on Doug's watch, the roof of the Armory will implode, revealing a gigantic red eye, and it will look down and say "If you want to end the war on Iraq, simply discover if Bush's ears taste good with butter." Then, lots of small little groups will try and infiltrate the White House, with glistening sticks of butter in hand. Eventually, they will overwhelm the tremendous security, and corner Bush in a broom closet. One set of people will stand in the background, slap their thighs, and say "OHRENSCHNITZEL, cha cha cha" at a steadily quickening pace. The others will carefully soak Bush's ears in the finest-quality butter, and begin to lick sensually, as the "OHRENSCHNITZELS" become louder and more frenzied. All will taste, and then one brave person will stand out from the rest and say "They taste better than sex!" Then, magically, Iraq will disappear, and the US will keep a much firmer hold on their status of global superpower, because all the other countries, when perhaps angry with us, will only have to be reminded of the unimaginable delicacy of Bush's ears soaked in butter, and they will kneel!
Whoopee-dupee!
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/19/2003 04:14:00 PM
So... to end my personal hiatus, I guess I should relate the latest stories, 'cause that's what we're best at.
Starting off- new identities have been revealed. Max Rich is Betsy, Ben Sims (or however you spell it) is Mia, and.... well ok, that's it. Isn't this lovely? We can keep at this until everybody has an identity. Fun fun fun. Anyway, fourth was at it's usual, only this time we brought some vegetable action into the orgy. Namely, Yuki's cucumber. By the way, it's pronounced "koo-kumber". Yeah, Kyle, Yuki, Jerry and I were sitting there, reaming passersby and shouting ANAL FUCK! and AFLAC! During eighth, my chem group worked on our rough draft. We were quick to bring up this blog, and Casey mentioned that the FRESHMEN read this holy scripture. Yeah, you, ya duck stranglin brothah fuckahs. Fuck off. And it's called the Grainger Walk, not the Sophomore blog. Get it right, suckah suckahs. By the way, Justin Park, if you are out there reading this with one hand on the scroll button and another on your pulsating asian choad, I suggest you ejaculate then leave. I dunno, I just don't think F.A.G.'s are welcome here. Which reminds me- any subbies are banned. But who am I to limit the traffic here? We did decide to publicize it, anyway. Yeah, but still, there are some people I just can't picture reading this for pleeeeaisure. SO- if you are reading this, and are NOT a sick freak who DOES masturbate to it, I suggest you do a shout out on this post saying who you are. Just getting a little demograohic here. The link is at the end of the post.
And Kyle, though you may have both hands above the desk, I suggest you still stop masturbating. Your sensual SANGUINE cheeks will only arouse everybody further. Though as many men will fantasize about you, there will still be millions just waiting in line for Barr's asshole. you cannot stop the tide, nor can you stop the flood of men aroused by you and Barr.
I'll bet you've had enough. Yeah, so have I. ANAL FUCK! ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!ANAL FUCK!
Do you have a nice image in your head now? How about this... |BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST||BARR IS A SEXY BEAST|
OK, I'm done now. Yallz better be behavin yo beatches, I ain't gonna fuck em foh ya. Hollah.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/19/2003 04:12:00 PM
3.17.2003 :::
Wow, a 5-day hiatus for everyone.
How disappointing.
So, I'm sure everyone is familiar with Batman and Robin, where with danger apparent, Robin unleashes a comment along the lines of Holy Chesty Cheeseburgers!
With this idea in mind, here is an alliteration for each letter of the alphabet.
A---Holy Ass-Raping Aardvarks, Batman!
B---Holy Bestialist Betsy, Batman!
C---Holy Cucumber Cunt, Batman!
D---Holy Douchebag Dolphins, Batman!
E---Holy Ejaculating Eskimos, Batman!
F---Holy Fellatiating Falcons, Batman!
G---Holy Gay Garvey, Batman!
H---Holy Hungry Hungry Hippos, Batman!
I---Holy Incestuous Iguanas, Batman!
J---Holy Jizzing Jesus, Batman!
K---Holy Krazy Kovacs Kunt, Batman!
L---Holy Lactating Llamas, Batman!
M---Holy Meaty Monkeys, Batman!
N---Holy Necrophiliac Nipples, Batman!
O---Holy Ovulating Ostriches, Batman!
P---Holy Pedophilic Panthers, Batman!
Q---Holy Queer Qlowns, Batman!
R---Holy Rectal Rabbits, Batman!
S---Holy Slimy Semen, Batman! (They would say this while fucking, duh.)
T---Holy Tasty Tyrannosaur, Batman!
U---Holy Uncle's Udder, Batman!
V---Holy Vaginal Vampires, Batman!
W---Holy Wet Whalefuck, Batman!
X---Holy X-Rated Xkimos, Batman!
Y---Holy Yellow Yuki, Batman!
Z---Holy Zasturbating Zukeumbers, Batman!
And lastly, a song:
When you'e fucking a bunny
And you feel something funny
Gonorrhea
Cha Cha Cha
Gonorrhea
Cha Cha Cha
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/17/2003 03:08:00 PM
3.12.2003 :::
Check it out!
Prep Top Times
I made Prep Top Times for the whole state for the week of March 9th in the 3200. I feel so proud.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/12/2003 10:51:00 AM
3.11.2003 :::
Just a quick post:
Today's highlight was German, for once. Somehow, we managed to prod Herr W into a discussion of premarital sex, homosexuality, and pedophilia, all sins in his mind. He talked about how he never had sex before marriage and he expects the same from his kids. He also condemned homosexuality, despite his brother being gay. In his words, "I love my brother, but not his lifestyle. I often tell him that I can never accept that"
More Herr W-isms:
"My brother chose to become gay"-Who would choose something like that?
"What happens in 30 years when pedophiles claim they were born that way?"-How else would you make them? Who would wake up one morning and decide, that despite no initial sexual attraction, they want to go fuck little boys? On a side note, Kirill says that if he was a pedophile, he would go ahead and rape children. That is disgusting, and if I think it's disgusting, then it really is disgusting.
"Sex is often like drugs or alcohol. Many people become addicted to porn!"-Yeah, porn addicts are in some ways even more of losers, cause that kind of addiction doesn't make much sense.
Yeah, that's a pretty good overview. The thing about Herr W's brother was exciting, at the least, and although I disagree with him about everything but his anti-pedophile stance, I can't blame him for his conservative views.
Completely unrelated to that, the incest thing is becoming a hot potato amongst our classmates. Everyone's doing it! It's the latest fad! Yes, this means only one thing! Your peers are pressuring you to have incest! Go fuck your mom, you'll like it!
"The skyyyyyyyyy is a landfiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllll"
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/11/2003 08:07:00 PM
3.10.2003 :::
Wow, that whole thing is just a little long, Dan. If anyone needs to read previous episodes of Gay Baby, they are far below that incestuous tale.
And Finally
Episode 6-The Gay Baby SEASON FINALE---Insert the Dildo
(Honestly, I'm out of ideas and am getting a little bored with the whole thing. If people are still interested, leave a shout-out and we'll start a second season.)
N: When we now join our characters, they have achieved the ultimate task; they have defeated the vaunted Linderboner. However, all is not well. Despite Gay Baby's best love-makings, Kirill has lost interest. Even more than that, he has become jealous, wishing that he could have such a cool weapon as the Penetrating Penis of Procreation, but instead, all he can do is call his dad to fight and shake his nipples sensually. Not exactly high-class superhero powers.)
K: Goddammit! Why do all sidekicks have to suck? I can't fight! Honestly, if I had a fight with a dead seal, I would probably lose!
N: (using free indirect discourse) Of course Kirill would, he'd be far too aroused to battle a dead seal.
K: Totally!
GB: How's it hanging, Kirill!
K: Limp, flaccid, unhappy to see you, etc.
(A shocked look appears on GB's face)
GB: What?! What are you saying?!
K: Don't be a fool. Stay in school. I'm leaving you, Gay Baby!
GB: Noooo! Stay here! Make pancakes with me! Don't you enjoy the "naked griddle"?
K: Once upon a time, I would have enjoyed the "naked griddle". But no longer. You, Gay Baby, you repulse me!
(Gay Baby falls to the floor in tears. Kirill, carrying a suitcase, kicks him violently and heads out the front door of Grainger.)
P: Oh, Gay Baby, do not cry!
GB: Why??? Sorry, Herr W, I can't possibly have sex with you. You might get arrested for statutory rape.
P: Well, seeing how I've already raped you while you were sleeping, statutory is a trifling matter!
GB: Well, ok then.
P: But that's not what I've cum to talk about! Seeing how Kirill has left you, he could leak your secrets to all your worst arch-enemies.
GB: Yes, he always has been kind of leaky.
(Herr W frowns.)
P: Right... Anyways, I propose that we kill him!
GB: We can't kill Kirill!
P: You could have his corpse...
GB: We can kill Kirill!
P: Good doggy. Now fetch me your bone, I'm hungry!
GB: Woof.
N: Later on that day, Gay Baby and Herr W arrive at Kirill's new home, located at an address that cannot be divulged here, but is perhaps at 612 E. Evergreen, Urbana, IL. They enter the house through an unlocked door in the garage, unnoticed. They slowly slip through the hallways, and into Kirill's bedroom, where he is sprawled across his bed, naked.
GB: Oh, Herr W, that's so erotic! How can I possibly slay such a thing of beauty with the PPP?
(Herr W grabs the PPP forcefully.)
P: Don't make me do it for you!!!
GB: Heehee, that tickles... Ok, I get the message.
(Gay Baby kills Kirill. Gay Baby fucks Kirill's corpse. Gay Baby eats Kirill. Gay Baby regurgitates Kirill, then fucks him again. And so forth, until Kirill's Dad enters.)
KD: Death to you!
(Kirill's dad brutally murders Gay Baby and Herr W with his weird Lagoutchevvish powers.)
KD: Oh my poor son.
N: And with that extremely anticlimactic battle, but very climactic orgasm, Gay Baby ends. Be sure to watch for a possible Season 2, Gay Baby in Hell, cumming to you in just a few short months.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/10/2003 04:38:00 PM
Here's a link to the site Click Here
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/10/2003 03:13:00 PM
3.09.2003 :::
Hm... the aftermath of the party, where Zuke is gone, and everybody except Kirill and I are sleeping. Wasted beyond comprehension.
7:46. That's pretty early by my standards, but then again i didn't get a whole lot of sleep, probably about 2 - 3 hours. And to think I have a history and english paper to do. Arrgh. I wish I'd done History yesterday before I came here, but then again I should be able to live through some major loss of sleep. I've done it before. No wait, no I haven't. Shit. But that's enough about me. I'm going to have the honor of thoroughly describing the sex fest that was Kirill's fifteenth birthday.
So, it all begins at the Union around 4:30, I come in late after telling my mom I found the rest of the people (which in my opinion was an unnecessary precaution, but what the fuck), and so we play pool. We split up the groups: Jerry, Barr, Yang, and I on one table, Kirill, Yuki, and Alexei on another. On our table we played 2 on 2 8 ball, with varying teams. Apart from the distracting pole-dancing and seductive stick motions, I took notice of the conflict of the snowbitch between Jerry and Barr primarily, one which hasn't quite been resolved (if you ask one, they'll tell you the other's the eternal snowbitch). After a few games of pool, we decide to head to the bowling alley. This is where things get even more raunchy. After getting all of our shoes on, we took over two adjacent lanes, with Alexei, Yuki, Barr, and I on one lane and the rest being on the other. Halfway inbetween, Zuke came in, red faced, and joined the festivities. While we bowled, Barr tore up the score sheet in order to write "Gay Baby" on the projector. This landed us in some trouble with the FAN who worked there, who said, "I understand that you've torn up some paper. I hope that wasn't the bottom half of your score sheet, because we need those." Exact quote. It was kinda funny, and as it turned out, we were ok because Barr only tore up the ads. To console the somewhat distressed FAN, he put "oops!" on the projector, and later, "Yang says 'oops!'"
We came back to Kirill's house afterwards and ate pizza and cake, then proceeded to play XBOX and Gamecube. I can happily say that while the others were playing magic, I was enjoying shaking my booty at Yang in Tony Hawk. Awwww yeah. Incidentally, I managed not to ever play magic during the entire sleepover, something I take into my heart with pride. All I did for a while was play Halo with Yang, and later I joined the others in trying to find a way out of the house without Kirill noticing. Jerry and I managed to find a way out from the garage, quite possibly the pinnacle of the night. We returned, and eventually we spent time running around in the dark playing hide and go seek. Yes, that's right. Hide and go seek. You'd be surprised how many ways we found to totally transform it into a grope - fest. Actually, many of you wouldn't. Anyway, after that came more video games, whilest Jerry, Barr and I sought out, through Google, the fine works you have below this post. We got the incest one with "your mom's anus," the other, I don't remember. But we got other things as well. A nice picture of shitting on a man's face on a porno site, a bizarre sex toy store, and a Catholic couple's guide to avoiding masturbation. It was long, with lots of crazy stuff about thinking of having your dick cut off, and wearing seven pants when you go to sleep. I seriously can't remember how we got that one, but as soon as Jerry or I finds it, it'll be posted.
After that... not much to say. Most of us went to sleep, me included, while Kirill and Yuki played Gamecube. After that I found myself here, writing this post. Ahhh, time to go.
"Each time you masturbate, God kills a kitten."
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/09/2003 08:14:00 AM
Another, more fun story... WARNING....Don't click here if you don't like your siblings
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/09/2003 02:02:00 AM
Here's a fable to satisfy your moral needs...
One day in his travels, Trickster chanced upon a lake where an enormous flock of ducks had gathered. Before he could be seen by the fowls, he slipped away to a swampy place where he made himself a large pack out of a massive quantity of reeds. He put it on his back and headed to the lake where he paraded around the bank to make sure that everyone would notice him. Soon the ducks saw him, and said among themselves, "There's Trickster walking down the bank. I wonder what he is up to? Let's call him and find out." So they called out, "Trickster, what are you doing over there?" but he made no answer at all. Three more times they called him, but only the last time did he take any notice. Trickster said, "Oh, were you calling me?" "Yes," they replied, "we were wondering what you are carrying on your back." "Well, younger brothers," he exclaimed, "I am carrying songs on my back. I had nowhere else to put them. My stomach had plenty of bad songs, so many that I had to find some place else to put all the extra ones. It's been a long time since I had a chance to sing any of them, since I have yet to encounter another person on my journeys so that they could dance for me as I sang." When the ducks heard this they began to consider how nice it would be to hold a dance. So one of them said, "All right, Trickster -- if you sing them, then we will do the dancing." Trickster told them, "My younger brothers, you have indeed spoken well. I shall be happy to sing for you, but before we can get underway, I'll have to build a dance lodge for you." All the ducks helped him in this enterprise and soon they had not only constructed a nice grass lodge, they had also made themselves a drum. All was ready, so Trickster invited them into the dance lodge.
All the ducks were inside the lodge and ready to dance, but Trickster added one condition before they were to start: "This is how you must dance. From the moment I begin my singing, you must keep your eyes closed. Whenever they dance for me, they must have their eyes closed form the moment they begin," said Trickster. "All right," they replied. "Now," Trickster reiterated, "you must remember not to open your eyes. The reason that I say this is that if you do, they will become red. That is why I said it." Then he began to sing, and all the ducks danced with their eyes tightly shut. They danced in a circle with Trickster sitting in front of the door. As one of the ducks came by the door, they could hear a "Quack!" and a brief flutter of wings. This would happen over and over again. Whenever a duck made a noise, Trickster would yell, "That's it, now dance faster!" Then a duck open its eyes just a little bit, only to the smallest degree were they open. And there, unexpectedly, he saw Trickster wringing the necks of one duck after another. Not only that, but he also bit the duck as he twisted its neck. This was the cause of the noise they were making. The duck who saw this yelled, "Look out, Trickster is killing us! Run for your lives!" He himself flew up through the smoke hole of the lodge, and all the others crowded after him. This duck was named "Little Duck with Red Eyes." As the duck struggled to get airborne, Trickster grabbed at them with his eyes closed, for they were beating him with their wings and scratching him with their feet. He got one duck in each hand and choked the life out of them. When the rest of the ducks had escaped, Trickster opened his eyes only to find, much to his chagrin, that he had been able to get only to scabby mouthed ducks. Just the same, he laughed and called out, "This is how a man acts. These ducks will make great soup!"
Then Trickster began to cook his ducks. Some he put on sharp sticks angled over the fire; others he put in the ashes to roast. He thought to himself, "It will be awhile before they are done cooking, and since I am sleepy, I might as well take a nap." Before he went to sleep he said, "Now, my younger brother, you must watch the food while I sleep. If anyone should approach while I am sleeping, you must use all your might to drive them off." Thus did he address his own anus. Then turning his anus towards the ducks cooking over the fire, he went to sleep.
While Trickster was sleeping, some foxes in the area thought they smelled smoke, so they turned their noses to the wind and soon they were able to make out the smoke. "There must be something there," they said. With great stealth, they crept up until they could see many pointed sticks with meat on them over the fire. As they carefully crept up, they saw someone asleep by the fire. "It is Trickster," they whispered, "and he is asleep. So let's very quietly go up there and eat his food." However, when they got close, they heard the sound "Pooh!" and the smell of gas. In hushed voices they said, "Look out, he's awake." They ran back. After awhile, they said, "He must be asleep by now. He was only bluffing -- he's always up to some kind of trickery." So they advanced again, but the same thing happened, and they scrambled back again. This happened again, but the fourth time they approached, when Trickster's anus expelled gas, they did not run away. Trickster's anus reacted by expelling gas faster and faster, hoping to scare them away; but they did not budge. Then the anus tried to scare them away by farting louder: "Pooh, POOH, P O O H !!" but it was to no avail. The foxes calmly sat down to a delicious meal, all the while the anus was frantically expelling a loud "Pooh!" Soon the foxes had eaten all the ducks that were being roasted on sticks, then started on the meat that had been roasted in the ashes. All the while Trickster's anus was going "Pooh! pooh! pooh! pooh!" Finally, they had eaten all the ducks until nothing was left but bones. These they carefully put back into the ashes. Only then did they leave.
In time Trickster woke up and said to himself, "Ah, now the duck must be roasted to perfection. It's time to eat!" Trickster reached into the ashes and pulled out a leg, but unexpectedly, it was nothing but a bone with no meat on it at all. "How terrible! but this is what you usually get if you roast something too long." So he reached in until he found another leg, but when he pulled it out, it too had no meat on it. "Terrible," Trickster exclaimed, "this too has been over cooked. I told my younger brother, the anus, to watch over the meat. Some cook he turned out to be." He pulled out the other pieces, and to his astonishment, they were all stripped to the bone. Then he looked around at his sticks, and unexpectedly, the ducks that were roasting on the sticks had completely disappeared. "Now I see!,"
he exclaimed, "it must have been those greedy friends of mine who did this to me!" He combed the ashes completely, but nothing was left. Then he said angrily, "Those greedy bastards took everything and left me to starve!" "And what about you," he said, addressing his anus, "didn't I tell you to watch the fire? You won't soon forget this! I'll burn your mouth so badly that you won't be able to use it!" Then he took a brand from the fire and rammed it into his anus. "Ouch! ouch!" he yelled, "this is ridiculous -- I've burned my own skin! They have caused me to act as if I had done something wrong. I wonder if this is what they mean when they call me 'Trickster'?"
Trickster now resumed his travels. As he walked along he noticed on the ground small pieces of cooked fat. "Someone must have packed an animal along this way," he said. He reached down and picked up a piece and ate it. It was delicious. "This is really good," he thought, then much to his surprise, he discovered the true source of the meat: unexpectedly, it had been his own intestines, which had shrunk from being burned, then fallen out piece by piece as he walked. "Indeed, this is why they have called me 'Trickster'. It is because they have called me this, they I have come to act this way," he said. So he tied off his intestines, but when he was through, the place where they had been tied was wrinkled and full of ridges. This is why the human anus has the form it does today. [1]
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/09/2003 01:50:00 AM
3.08.2003 :::
Episode 5: The Lust of the Linderboner (Part two)
(theme song plays)
N: Gay Baby and Kirill find themselves in an awfully precarious situation. If you don't know what is, then FUCK YOU! The 1st part of this episodes can be read directly below!!! (Note: Ideally this would be a TV show, rendering the narrator's words really nonsensical, but who cares?)
GB: Oh my God! I can't believe my eyes, Kirill! What have we done, Kirill? Oh, what have we done?
L: Yes, fear me, for now I possess the ultimate in erotic weaponry, the Infinitely Extendable Penis, that will hereafter be known as the Linderboner!
P: (rubs his hands together, and is strangely, oozing liquid semen from his pores)
Mwahahahahaha.
(The scene is perhaps undescribable. Linder now possesses a full body, and also a penis that is infinite in length. This is quite impossible to explain through general laws of physics, because despite its infinite length, it stops at random points in time, then resumes itself randomly. This leads to many unfortunate events, such as what happens to poor Mr. Ascunt, who while reading a magazine, that naturally, has nothing to do with monkeys and pandas giving each other head, is impaled in the ear by the randomly appearing Linderboner.)
L: Now Gay Baby, die!
GB: Cum to me, Penetrating Penis of Procreation!!!
(The Linderboner surges towards Gay Baby, which is of course, physically impossible, because it already has infinite length and thus cannot get any longer, and definitely cannot surge towards anyone. Gay Baby attempts to counter with his own weapon, but even its incredible pulsating strength cannot handle the sheer maniacal rage of the Linderboner. Meanwhile, Herr W laughs evilly and oozes more semen out of his pores. Finally, Gay Baby is impaled through the chest by the Linderboner and collapses to the ground, dead. Naturally, Kirill being the weird little pansy he is, has made a run for it.)
L: Now Paul, we have one more conquest to surpass before we achieve our total goal of world domination!!! We must travel to Bement and slay that Jeremiah, he that has given birth to all the people of the world. When he is dead, the human race will combust upon itself, and only we will survive, locked inside an eternal orgasm!
P: Mwahahahaah. I'm getting kinda wet with all this semen.
L: Fuck you, Paul. I'll suck it off later with a vacuum cleaner.
P: MMMM Kinky!
(They race towards Bement.)
K: Cum forth, my father!
(Kirill's dad enters.)
K: Revive the Gay Baby!
(Kirill's dad does so.)
GB: Cum, Kirill's Dad, only your incredible powers can halt the devastating force of the Linderboner!
KD: I will teleport us to the house of Jeremiah, where we will parley with them.
GB: Cool!
(They appear suddenly at Jeremiah's house, just as Linder and Paul get out of their car. Linder immediately sends her infinite Linderboner hurtling towards Kirill's dad, but it is of no use. Kirill's dad blocks it with a cunning twist.)
L: Dear God. Nothing can stop the Linderboner!!!
KD: That is only partly true, my dear. When you reach your full level of skill, yes, even I will not be able to stop you. But Gay Baby here has the potential even to surpass your power!
L: Arrrghh!
(Kirill's dad runs forward and rips out Linder's heart, then sticks it in his ass.)
KD: Yum!
P: Umm... Mwahahahah?
(Kirill's dad leaves.)
GB: Don't worry, Paul. You're too weak to be bothered with! But, you can join our side if you want!
P: Sure...
The End
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/08/2003 11:01:00 PM
3.07.2003 :::
Episode 4: The Lust of the Linderboner (Part One)
(theme song plays)
N: Since the last episode, Gay Baby and Kirill have taken up full-time residence at Grainger Library, and that is where we find them now...
GB: Be careful, Kirill, if the Asians here see you, they might put you through 24 hours of torture.
K: You mean, I'd have to watch the FAN network??!
GB: Yes, the pain...
KGB: (in bad asian accent) Look it's Godzilla, he bring commercial break!!!
(they laugh to themselves)
(Kirill then heads downstairs to meet with the woman who had given them a mysterious phone call just days earlier...)
FLASHBACK FLASHBACK FLASHBACK
(phone rings)
K: Hello?
Voice: Is this Gay Baby? The world needs saving!
K: And who is speaking?
V: My name is... Linder. I can't say anything more. Just get me that damned baby!
K: Ok, ok, he's just busy recovering. We just used a three-headed dildo to ocularly rape a penguin, and that makes him tired.
L: What the FUCK?
K: Mmm... Just wanted to see if you were paying attention...
GB: Hello, my darling!
L: Fuck me, Gay Baby.
GB: Be glad to. Give me an address, and a desired STD, and I'll be happy to transmit it to you. I've got a new strain of HIV that gives you a feeling of pleasure 100 times that of an orgasm and then kills you!
L: Umm... I think I'll pass. No, I have another type of job for you to do.
GB: Blow or hand?
L: Stop it! I need you to kill all the Asians in Grainger, got it?
GB: Ohhh... Well are you sure? Kirill and I are very skilled at any type of sexual fulfillment you wish for...
(Linder hangs up in anger)
REVERSE FLASHBACK
K: Yum, Linder. Now to the mission!
(Kirill pulls a small ticking time bomb out of his anus and skillfully hides it under a computer terminal, then dashes upstairs.)
(There is a large explosion)
GB: Now to take our pickings!
(Gay Baby runs back downstairs, and is greeted by a sight of hundreds of paralyzed Asians.)
GB: Come to me, Penetrating Penis of Procreation!!!
(An overly large, bulbous penis appears out of nowhere and locks on in between Gay Baby's legs.)
GB: Now I am really charged up!!!
(Gay Baby begins to impale all the Asians, as even their majestic FAN powers are hopeless against such a powerful weapon.)
GB: I feel so necro...
K: I told you fucking dead people was awesome!
GB: Hehe, you were so right, girlfriend! I love that cold, clammy feeling, it's even better than a makeover!
K: That's right, bitch. Uh-uh! I so told you so!
N: This is getting disgusting, so let's move on.
GB: Finally, our work here is done.
K: But what did that Linder want with all these dead Asians???
(Linder appears from the shadows, and turns out to be a torso with eyes where there should be breasts, and a mouth where there should be a belly button. She is pushed by a grinning Herr W, and she is laughing maniacally.)
L: Yes, Paul, soon gone will be the days when you have to fuck the old me. The old me had no head, legs or genitals. But the new me, the new me will be so different.
P: Good, it was difficult to impregnate you the way you are. I never thought it would work, but our child seems to contradict that.
L: Aaahh Caseyfarid, what a darling little shemale.
P: Isn't heshe, though?
GB: You spawned that demonspawn! Well Kirill and I stopped her evil ways!
L: Yes, but I am far far stronger, because by killing all the Asians, you have unlocked the door to a secret room in this building, where I will tap into a power that surpasses even the Penetrating Penis of Procreation and even Kirill's Dad!
(Gay Baby tries to rape Linder, but there is nowhere to transmit STD's. He hangs both his heads in defeat.)
L: Now Paul, take me to the elevator!
(Herr W dutifully wheels Linder into the elevator. He presses the button, and when the door opens, everyone is blinded by a flash of bright light)
GB: Oh my God. I can't believe my eyes. What have we done, Kirill? Oh, what have we done?
P: Der LINDERBONER!!!!!!!!!!!
to be continued...
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/07/2003 07:59:00 PM
3.06.2003 :::
ok, this is probably going to get delted from one of 2 people, dan or jerry. i don't relly care, i feel like telling the world my deepest darkest secrets. i'll wait until dan posts though so i dont' mess up the gaybaby series. well anyway, robert was working on oour groups's math powerpoint show whaen he decided tyhat we need pisctures of the Justice League to put in. i searched ofr and foundthe justice league fan site, or so i thought, until i clicked it and it was an anime porn site, while max tried to restrian me.. well i'll wait until later to finish, untill then, DONT READ THIS
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/06/2003 03:51:00 PM
Episode 3: Enter DOUCHE-X!
[Theme song]
N: After his exploits with Casey and his new union with Kirill, he begins anew his quest for global STDs....
GB: Aaah, Champaign- Urbana! What a glorious town for penetrating! I believe this is your hometown, Kirill.
Kirill: Yes, Gay Baby! I was born and raised here, feeding myself on my dad's tit. Not unlike you, I believe! Hahaha! (laughs with GB)
GB: I think it would be good if we split up, Kirill! I will take grainger first, you may ravage Uni with the Gonorrhea Ipassed on to you!
Kirill: Yes... the memories will never fade from my mind. Anyway, I shall meet with you later, Gay Baby!
GB: Yes. Farewell for now!
(Gay Baby finds his way to Grainger, leaving a trail of wasted leprous corpses behind him.
GB: Hahaha, I am here! Fear me, for you all are already raped!
(In a flash, everyone in the library falls down, ravaged by numerous STDs infecting their anuses.)
GB: What's happening? My power.... It's disappearing!
( A puff of smoke, as DOUCHE-X, otherwise known as Mr. Bergundine, emerges!)
X: Dat's right foo, I gots yo mojo right heah! (Holds up fruity vial of spermalicious fluids) No moh Raping for you! AHAHAHA!
GB: Oh no! He's right! My penis is no longer erect, and I cannot get it up!
X: Yoyoyo, bitches, take care of dis foo! (Summons a dozen panty-hose clad ladies, who scream and attack GB! Kung-fu style fighting ensues, and GB emerges victorious.)
GB: Your petty bitches are no match for me, fiend! Show me what you've got!
X: What? how did you beat them? Argh! No matter! I shall CRUSH YOU, literally! SUPER-INFLATE!
GB: Oh no! Could this be the end?
(Sucks in masses of vaginal blood, and grows to an immense size, crushing GB!)
[Commercial Break]
(Kirill jumps in, whipping DOUCHE-X, making him scream as he releases his blood. The blood however, sprays out and wounds Kirill!)
Kirill: Ugh... You'll need to beat himn yourself, Gay Baby! I tried... Uh. *Passes out*
GB: Kirill! I'll beat him for you! Super - BRAD - FUCKING move! hah!
(Fucks brad, and lands a mighty blow on DOUCHE-X with his penis!)
X: Aaaah! I'll get you yet, Gay Baby! You haven't heard the last of me! (Boogies out of the room)
Gay baby runs to Kirill, kissing him, and reviving him!
Kirill: Thank you... now we can get back to the fucking!
*END*
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/06/2003 03:36:00 PM
Episode 2
TITLE: Gay Baby Fights the Diabolical Casey; but Casey Has a Secret...
(theme song)
N: Having defeated the delicious ScoobusBoob, Gay Baby has retired back to his home, for whatever home a Gay Baby can really have... Gay Baby has decided it is time for him to go through a very typical routine in a child's life, not menopause, but preschool! Thus, he finds himself checking out all the other baby boys, like the sick little fucker he is. However, he then meets another student that goes by the name "Casey". Gay Baby immediately senses something wrong with "Casey" and thus begins to question her.
GB: My god, what have you done with your hair?! You really need a makeover, girlfriend!
C: Fuck me, Gay Baby. Haha, you don't want to!
GB: Actually... There's something addictively masculine about you. I'm not sure what it is, but it draws me in, in the way that only a man can.
(Casey frowns)
C: (thinks to herself---Hmm... Perhaps the little Gay Baby is catching on to me. I better kill him...)
(Gay Baby tries unsuccessfully, to lick Casey.)
C: You miniature man-whore!
(Back in his package, Gay Baby puzzles it all together! Casey must be a man in disguise!)
GB: Well, that can't be stood for! No one can tarnish the name of man that way! She must die!
(Next day at preschool)
GB (zipping his pants, surveys the room, full of dead leprous children): Well, that takes care of the rest of them, but where the hell is that Casey? I've saved something special for her...
(Casey enters room)
(GB glances towards her and growls)
GB: *growl*
C: Aaah, my little Gay Baby, you think I'm a man, don't you. Well, you're very perceptive, but not perceptive enough!
(Gay Baby watches with horror as Casey transforms into the most beautiful man he has ever seen. He is glued to the floor with passion.)
F: Hello, Gay Baby, my name is Farid now, and I want your Penetrating Penis of Procreation! How hand it over!
(Mesmerized, Gay Baby hands over his secret weapon, the tool that is key to all his powers.)
(Farid changes back to Casey)
GB: No, no, what have I done!!!
(Casey bitch-slaps Gay Baby, leaving him unconscious, dead to the world.)
C: Now without its latex protector, the world is all mine!
(A small Russian boy enters the room.)
K: Not if I have anything to say about it, Caseyfarid!!!
C: Who the fuck are you?
K: I am Kirill! And you cannot be allowed to carry out your diabolical plans!
C: How can you possibly stop me??? I possess the Penetrating Penis of Procreation, the greatest weapon in the known universe!
K: Even such a power cannot withstand my special power!
C: No, you can't mean...it!
K: Yes, Caseyfarid, I mean my father!!!
C: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(drops the PPoP, as she sees an ominous silhouette in the doorway)
K: The world is saved!
(commercial break, as Kirill tenderly makes love to an unconscious Gay Baby, in order to revive him)
GB: Thank you Kirill for your...love. Now become my Sidekick! And unlike Batman and Robin, where it was just implied that they were gay, we will be lesbian!
K: Yes, my delicious baby, spank me...
Episode 2 Ends
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/06/2003 03:33:00 PM
3.05.2003 :::
And without further ado, a voice transcript of the first installment in what will inevitably become the greatest series of all time; Gay Baby!
(Theme song plays)
Gay baby, more than meets the eye.
Gay baby, rainbows in the sky.
Gay baby, Casey is Farid.
(Narrator speaks, in a soft, tender voice, one you would normally use while trying to feed/seduce your child.)
N: Once there was a Dutchman, who was doomed to spend all of eternity masturbating due to an unfortunate encounter with a jelly donut on legs. He never thought this was exactly a curse, but what the hell. On one particularly sunny spring morning, he awoke to find that he was pregnant. This was somewhat surprising, but he found the whole thing rather sensual, so he figured, what the hell. Four and a half months later, he found himself at the hospital, giving birth to a beautiful baby boy. The man lovingly began to breast-feed his son, having no wife, he thought to himself, what the hell. For unknown reasons, this made the child a homosexual. There can be a lot of debate about whether or not a baby boy can be gay, but that it is for a later time. Meanwhile, the Dutchman died, another surprising after-effect of male breast-feeding. As was necessary, the doctors put Gay Baby in a package and shipped him over FedEx to a Nike shop in Malaysia for labor. However, such was not to be. A terrible storm intercepted the FedEx plane en route, and it went down into the gaping depths of the sea, lost forever. And that is where we begin our story...
(A man is sitting in a room, watching porno)
M: Mmmmmm.... Hey, what's that itchy feeling in my ass!
(looks down)
M: Oh my God, I'm being fucked by a gay baby!
(immediately dies from gonorrhea)
GB: Gay Baby saves the day again!
(of course, the man was a serial killer)
(The next morning, Gay Baby awakes in his FedEx package that he calls home, a package that now resides in a small alley in Chicago. He looks in his mirror, and sees a devilish surprise... He has become black overnight! At first, he savors this, thinking that being white sucks anyways, but then he decides that there is definitely something evil in the air about this whole thing. He turns and sees a note, written in semen.)
NOTE: Gay Baby,
Here is a song that comes deep from my heart (Be sure to sing it to the tune of Billie Jean!)
"He was more like a pregnant man from a gay porn film,
I said don't mind but what do you mean you have a boob?
That is large and hairy and around!
He told me his name was ScoobusBoob as we fucked real hard.
And every gay man was dreaming of the boob.
That is large and hairy and around!"
You know where to find me,
Love, ScoobusBoob!
(Gay Baby wrenches the note up in despair, then proceeds to an old abandoned warehouse on the waterfront, the "secret" hideout of ScoobusBoob. When he arrives there, he looks around, but there is no one in sight! Suddenly he is pelted from behind by an enormous breast!)
GB: Ow!
SB: I have truly made you my creature now, Gay Baby! Serve me, or I will make you white once more!
GB: Nooo! I don't want to be white, but I will never serve you.
(SB chuckles)
SB: Alright fine, you can stay black, but it will not matter when you are dead!
(The battle begins... Gay Baby is helpless in the onslaught of boob attacks. They come so fast, and so hard, he cannot even make a move. Finally, beaten, and firmly in doubt of his powers, he is just about to surrender himself, when he sees Brad taking a stroll in the area, for unknown reasons.)
GB: Look, Scoobus-Boob, it's Michael Jackson!!!
(SB turns, buying time for Gay Baby.)
GB: When in doubt, fuck Brad!
(GB fucks Brad!)
GB: Now I have the energy necessary to unleash my special weapon, the Penetrating Penis of Procreation!
(GB takes off his clothes, and a large bulbous penis emerges, and impales Scoobus Boob, killing him instantly. Gay Baby immediately changes back to white. But he doesn't know this. When he gets home, however, he realizes the truth...)
GB: Godfuckingdammit!
The End
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/05/2003 04:25:00 PM
oh boy. so i haven't posted for a while, meaning i have lots of wonderful knowledge to impart on all you lowly beings. so on friday evening, i was sitting in a pizza restaurant feeling stupid because it was a friday night and i was out with my parents and this other family, the mother of which is a friend of my mother's, and the two of them were sitting next to each other and comparing sweaters, and my mother said "oh karen, your sweater is so cute and fuzzy," and karen said, "oh thank you, we'll have to cuddle later." "oh no," said my mother, with a mischievous look in her eyes, "lets cuddle NOW". and i swear she licked her lips. the two of them nuzzled each other briefly and then continued eating. it was disgusting. what i found most interesting was that both of their husbands were present and neither of them thought there was anything strange about this. maybe i just have a one track mind. anyway. today in pe kirill and jeremiah and I had a fascinating conversation about masturbation and the various places and methods we have used. It was lots of fun. We discovered that kirill has masturbated for an hour and fifty minutes at a time. Also, on a side note, someone crashed into our house last night with their car. It was exciting. This prompted kirill to tell me how his mother once crashed through someone’s porch and into their basement and then started to laugh, this of course being the woman who’s car I am obligated to ride in 3 times a week. Life is joyous. Anyway, in fourth period I asked betsy if she had ever masturbated in a public place, or indeed at all, after regaling her with stories of our masturbational experiences, which she listened to with a straight face though inside she was of course burning with passion (???). She said she had never masturbated. I just don’t understand how this can be, this thing with girls that don’t masturbate. I mean, almost all the guys I’ve ever talked to say that they masturbate regularly, whereas I know like 2 girls who say they masturbate. What gives? Either the girls have been lying about it or women’s sexual urges really are that much weaker than mens’, which seems weird. I mean, if women’s sexual urges were so very weak, there would be no lesbian sex, and as this obviously isn’t true, they all must be lying to me. Or maybe most girls are just really moral and think masturbating’s immoral, but somehow I don’t believe that either. Of course, Robert did tell me this thing that zoe told him which she heard on love line about this woman who masturbates 6-8 hours a day, but maybe that’s just the exception. Anyway. I’m sure you’ve all been enriched by that lovely philosophical discussion. Hopefully you’ll enjoy the first episode of “gay baby”™ coming soon to a blog near you…..
“remember, horny men are horny, but kirill is horny AND russian, so there you go. And always remember children… when in doubt, fuck brad!” -anonymous
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/05/2003 03:29:00 PM
Ah... I'm using the 25 minutes in the pc lab to do this post...
This will be the defining moment for the blog. Lo, ye sinners, repent, for the son of the tomato is here.
And he is... GAY BABY! ... in convenient television series form. And only for our dedicated readers, is a synopsis:
Born of dutchman and his right hand, gay baby began his life in doubt of his powers. All the other babies in the nursery were eagerly clawing for a reach of their mother's nipples, but gay baby, not having a legitimate mother, reached out for his father. Yes, and in this union, strange powers were born. He was bestowed with the intelligence of a thousand gay men, and the strength of a million pulsating penises. Soon, he began to rid the world of "evil," spreading his STDs through unwilling anal sex. Some considered it an evil. Others, a blessing. Many were too wasted to think either way. no man could resist him. Through his technique of Penetrating Penis of Procreation, not even the strongest anal withstand it. The only ones capable of some form of resistance were his arch- nemeses (sp?), Scoobus Boob (using his boob to smash everything ins sight), Casey (Using her transforming powers to turn into Farid, seducing and confunsing him), the Linder Boner (no explanation necessary), and the ghost of Morris - Vaughn, to name a few. Though they may be powerful, when in doubt, Gay Baby fucks brad. This, like Popeye, gives him renewed strength, allowing hime to penetrate his enemies into dust, so many little particles of STD.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/05/2003 03:17:00 PM
3.04.2003 :::
So, people fuck corpses, and people fuck babies. Why not combine the two to make a brand spankin' new fetish??? Presenting to you the aborted fetus fetish, a condition that only I "suffer" from. Actually, I doubt this. There probably is someone who lusts for aborted fetuses. I never want to meet this person. Ever.
I need a catchy name for this. You, know, there's pedophilia and necrophilia, we will thus call this bildphilia. Where did that come from? I think Mr. Bild uses his adopted daughter as a sex slave.
Speaking of small children..
Don't you think it would be great if I went to some elementary school playground, with a large cooking pot full of boiling water, and just ran around, picking up screaming little kids, and throwing them in. Wouldn't you have fun listening to their screams??? Then I could eat barbecued human flesh.
Triple yum.
Here's another great scenario: What if Kirill broke into Betsy's house, and hid in her bed. Then, when she came in, he could pop out and say something along the lines of "Oh, Betsy, I thought this was your mom's room!" The irony would be immense.
I think that's enough random perverted monstrosities for now. Good-bye, and if this won't publish I am going to brutally rape Barr, and possibly blogger.com as well.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/04/2003 03:33:00 PM
3.03.2003 :::
This thing gets damn neglected from time to time. If we didn't all have 8th free, only Dan and I would post at all, and Dan would post every month or so.
Instead of my weird rantings, I'll just pack this up with weird information (plus some butterscotch pudding!).
Here are my Monthly Music Charts, corresponding nicely to February:
February 2003
10. “Clocks”-Coldplay
Has gradually grown on me, to the point where it sneaks in just before it goes out of rotation.
9. “Honestly”-Zwan
Is pretty much in free-fall now. Don’t expect it to last thru March.
8. “Bring Me To Life”-Evanescence
A marginal debut for a song with great promise. Potential limited.
7. “Send the Pain Below”-Chevelle
Suddenly, I like Chevelle. This song is somewhat complex (at least by radio standards) and almost jerks my emotions.
6. “Bandages”-Hot Hot Heat
Even with no radio play, this is still the best song on this list, except for maybe the #1, but it’s just fading now.
5. “What Are We Fighting For”-Live
An awfully weak 1st single, if it is the 1st single. Is about the level of a mediocre TDTH album cut, which of course, is still pretty good, but a new Live song should really be topping this chart.
4. “Go with the Flow”-QOTSA
Has potential to move higher, as I haven’t really heard it on radio. A good rocker, although there are better singles from their awesome album.
3. “Made of Steel”-OLP
Easily better than Innocent, although, again, not the best choice for a single. Still, this has #1 potential, assuming 107.1 actually plays it some, and I get acclimated. It hasn’t even hit radio yet at all, so this is a wildly high debut.
2. “Like a Stone”-Audioslave
Makes a surge this month, due to heavy radio play, and that absolutely killer electric guitar bridge. More Soundgarden than Rage, which is a good thing.
1. “Girl’s Not Grey”-AFI
This song is the clear #1. Fast, catchy, and good, kind of in the same way as Bandages, but more polished, and possibly better. The album may be worth downloading/buying.
Yum.
I was listening to 107.1 today. Some teenage girl called up, for the Half Hour of Hate, and here's a rough transcript, rough because it's from memory, and it's been pushed through my uterus a couple of times:
G: I hate lesbians!
Host(male): Why do you hate lesbians???! (my thoughts exactly)
G: They're so mean!
H: You shouldn't hate lesbians! They're important to this world! (not really a gay rights backing here, but out of context, it sounds that way)
G: hangs up
Speaking of lesbians, there's this awesome/whoreible Russian pop group called t.a.t.u. which consists of two lesbian teenagers. They kiss on stage, and in videos, and get lots of photos taken of them in compromising positions, which fulfills three purposes:
1. Backs gay rights.
2. Turns me on.
3. Exploits them to extreme amounts.
I'm torn between arousal and pity for their exploitations. Damn moral dilemmas. I think I know which feeling wins here though...
Double yum.
::: posted by Anonymous at 3/03/2003 07:07:00 PM
