4.30.2003 :::
Wow, sounds like someting interesting might be happening on the blog. If you, like, kill each other in a nail-and-tooth lesbo catfight, can we put it up? That would be really cool.
::: posted by Lee the Agent at 4/30/2003 08:09:00 PM
lauren if you tell i will kill you
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/30/2003 06:34:00 PM
wow can you make a family tree or what you are sur eof cause im confused
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/30/2003 06:34:00 PM
THEORIES OF JERRY'S SCARY FAMILY:
So, on December 28, 1979, my mother gave birth to a bright, bouncing baby boy. He was my brother. Deep. Anyways, the prevalent trend in my immediate family is that no one has the same two parents. My littlest brother is from my mom and stepdad. My sister is from my dad and stepmom. I am from my mom and Barr. All natural. But my brother is from my mom and a mysterious man, a man my brother has never met. He could be dead. Or he could be secretly infiltrating my life, as we speak. For the sake of suspense, I have decided on the latter.
There are a few potential candidates, that must fill a certain list of evidence. For one, they would had to have been a college student at the University of Tennessee in 1979, although that can be edited. Another, they would have to be Native American, although that can also be edited. So just about everything is arbitrary. But I'll work from there.
ONE: Dave, my stepdad. Although 13 at that year, not Native American, and residing in Boston, it would be a delicious twist. The irony there is immense. He fucks my mom, gets her pregnant, does some fake war whoops to assure his fake Native American authenticity, and flees back to Boston, his childhood forever lost. Then, with a shocking level of coincidence, he manages to move back to Urbana, Illinois, in the very apartment adjoining our own. Matured, my mom doesn't recognize him. But the passion is still there. So they marry. But the burden of the secret overwhelms his troubled heart, so he rapes Josh (brother).
TWO: Doug. This makes sense, because he lived in Knoxville, Tennessee and attended the U of T. He may not be Native American (or do I know this? I bet Mrs. Doug sticks a tomahawk up his ass every night! Or maybe that's just a weird s&m thing. Actually, this is a good idea. Can't you just picture it??? Doug in a multi-colored headdress, face paint, and a sensually-placed loincloth. Mrs. Doug making war whoops, and spanking Doug with the tomahawk. Meanwhile, Doug says lots of things like "The Great Bear Spirit has landed, and he is in my ass.", and so forth.) The other problem was that Doug is too young. Again, this would be an amazing coincidence. Can you imagine the tension when my mom looked at the Cross-Country handout subbie year and saw "Doug Mynatt". The tension when she dropped me off at that 1st practice, and made eye contact with Doug, and all the memories came rushing back. Such tension would only cause her to disguise herself as Merf, thinking it would be a way to attract Doug, when in reality, all it would earn her was lots of sex with Sally.
THREE: Max's dad. Living in Boston in 1979 (hint hint), he fucked Dave, causing them to enter a state of hormonal fusion. Sensing a cry of prenatal distress from my mom, he teleported to Knoxville, and viciously fucked my mother, taking on the disguise of a warchief with three breasts. My mom later decided the 3 breasts were a disadvantage for marriage, so dumped him. She would never recognize the true father now, due to the disguise. But Max's dad and Dave, who split in 1986, when Max's dad married Max's mom, still remember who they fucked that fateful night.
FOUR: My future wife. While she herself would not be Josh's father, and also will not be Barr, despite popular opinion, it would be very ironic if her father was my brother's father. Would that be incest??? She'd be my brother's sister, but not actually related to me. This is the same as Jack and Elenor, my other siblings, except without the subtle ironies. Max doesn't think it would be incest. I agree. Even if it was, I wouldn't give a shit.
Wasn't that fun???
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/30/2003 03:52:00 PM
I still say that the blog would reqlly be better if we had more things that shouldn't be on it, excluding necro pr0n. That's fucking disgusting, and I think it's illegal in most states. If anyone finds out I'd really like to know. Just curious.
::: posted by Lee the Agent at 4/30/2003 01:46:00 PM
wohoo
wow this blog is getting stupid
when i think something is stupid it must be really stupid
so anyways
i wanna btch about something but the stuf i wanna bitcha bout is stuff i dont want on the blog
so ill talk about lauren
lauren is a skank ass ho
my mom said she was cruel
to yuki
my mom also said that she thinks yuki was having fun when we all went out before sf
she thinks he was a bit overwhelmed
which is true
but my mom really liked when we were talikng abotu why having to wear a bra sucks
and he said "i dont wear a bra"
it was funny
THE END
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/30/2003 07:46:00 AM
4.29.2003 :::
Ok, I'm gonna make an attempt to either post more often to the blog, or save all the posts and take it down. The situation lingers on this knife edge, any simple whim of mine could topple it over, like a water-carrier besieged by locusts, invoked by the wrath of the almighty ancestors who know all, see all. *begins smoking pot and meditating*
The sex thing sounded fun, though Barr, Kyle, and I spent most of the post-seventh period day at EB Games, looking around. I bought a network adapter and Dynasty Warriors 4 ( at a total of 85.20 ), though i doubt anyone will care. The point is, by the time we got to the union at 4:50, we no longer had the heart to venture in. Though the guy we say in rainbow stockings was satisfying enough. Though I suppose, that if we'd got there earlier and I hadn't been in a rush for a haircut, we could have gone and got condoms. Man, vagina lolipops? Damn. Though walking around with Barr and Kyle was sensual in its own respect. I did manage to get Barr to divulge a little dream he had about me burning smiley faces into people's calves with a cigar. Sound wierd? I thought so too. I would have used a cattle prod. It's more convenient, and the chances of SARS (Sensual Anal Ripping Syndrome) are greater.
So... what else to post? Aha! Here it is: the next episode of Strangers in Moscow, if anyone still remembers!
Kirill: This is getting boring. Casey would be so much better as a giant mucus covered sex organ.
Casey: Really? Then what am I now?
Kirill: Good point.
Herr W: Yeah. Being an amazon queen is more stressful than you think. All those lost explorers.... it's like they never learn that coming here means rape AND death. Or vice versa. Um, I never did get that in the right order.
Scoobus Boob: So what? I never get rescued?
Kirill: I guess not.
*The End, RIP GayBaby*
Oh, and Jerry, on risk of sounding self-centered, I'd like to point out that your last post was self-centered. You realize that the good days were when people read our posts and we didn't know it (though that wasn't for very long), and that you never were just talking to yourself. You see, truth be told, I was part of the ripping myself. I like splooshing random verbs. It quadruples posts more fun, and they don't monkey-ass sense. In my pants.
::: posted by Dan at 4/29/2003 10:38:00 PM
wow okay so i really enjoyu how my posts are dleted and the ones that are left are changed
grrrrrrrrr im in such a bad mood
i want to fuckin kill someone
or kill and fuck someone if i was lauren
so anyways we (lauren, emily SHA, and ann murdawg) went to the union to the sex conference. We got a bag full of condoms, and emily bought a vagina sucker. I bought little minatures (vaggies). We showed the sucker to cordelia, and got her to lick it. it was great. for once someone was being called a lesbo more than i was. it was REALLY funny tho cause then she kept poking it and saying look at me im fingering it
and we all laughed
the end
sarah bial do you like my story?
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/29/2003 05:50:00 PM
4.28.2003 :::
what's with all of these short posts?! delete them. oh well, here's the actual topic of my post; Ben Sands. he's such a funny guy. especially when he doesnt' mean to be. like today in sports. hahahaha, yes ben, im tellign people.
anyways today, we played wiffle ball. ben goes up to bat, and misses the first, so hugh pitches slower so wheezy boy can hit it. well, as soon as ben swings, he lets out a small high pitched fart. and misses. everyone breaks down laughing, even doug started laughing. hugh and some out fielder actually fall down with laughter. ben is just standing there, red in the face, until hugh throws the next one. he misses the next two and gets out, but if he had hit it, he would have gotten a homer, mainly because everyone had fallen over. seriously, if you dont think it's funny, pisture in your mind, kenney gym, perfectly silent, and then this little high pitched fart coming just as ben swings around missing the ball, it was great. and if you dont think so, go shoot yourself.
speaking of which, this indian guy across from me keeps blinding me with his laser mouse. it's really annoying and when he does it, i cant se for like 5 seconds. so the moral of the story is..... learn to hold it in before you play wiffle ball
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/28/2003 05:56:00 PM
4.26.2003 :::
so i tried playing the vball game but as soon as i figured out the controls it stopped working...i try to open it, the screen goes black then it just stops. not cool. anyways i hjope everybody is going to SF cause it will be fun(hopefully) but since its at cyrstal lake its gonna stink since there no room inside and its so cold out! yes yes yes so mabye this year i can light leaves on fire again and throw them over the bridge and get yelled at...i almost lit one of the banks on fire, but it was fun...im doing my stupid english paper but im not sure what im writing about...i think CAPPS II but im not exactly sure, im just researching...
i never watch southpark im to tired to stay up..a couple of nights ago i went to bed at 7 then the next nite at 730...im soooo fuckin tired but oh well...im going to CARLINVILLE tomorow at 530 and CATLIN today at noon...im seriosuly going ot drive by herr ws if my rents let me...i hope they do cause i want to freak him out by telling him i kno what his house looks like
this blogger is annoying ive typed a post like 3 times but it just keeps going back to the blogger homepage and clearing the post i was writing...
jerry dont leave this blog just pretend its your own personal one or something...nobody posts anything interesting anymore (we never did, right lauren?) how much more exciting could an individual blog be?? not very...i have yet to find a good one...its only funny to read when there are multiple ppl posting and *gasp* interacting...
in conclusion, go to SF, dont leave the blog, and lauren is a skank ho bitch BIGGIE SHORTIE WANNABE
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/26/2003 08:12:00 AM
4.25.2003 :::
As the blog dies, so dies a part of me. That may be bullshit, but I can't stand the stasis this thing has entered. I'm getting tempted to start an individual blog, and move on out of here, at least for personal posts. I liked my posts better when I was just sitting here talking to myself, and pretending I was listening. There were a few highlights when I moved to episodic posts. I still think Herbert the Heterophobe was top-notch, and deserves to be put to film, or television, at the least. The market for my ideas exists, and just with that fact alone, is far bigger than the market for human penises. Have you watched South Park lately? It runs parallel to my perversion levels, and those guys make a living out of it. But I wouldn't want to do TV, because all I could land would be bad Comedy Central airtimes and unfavorable comparisons to South Park. To be really creative, I would do something cool like make CD's where I record children' songs accompanied by heavy metal.
Ring around the rosy, Pockets full of posy, Ashes, Ashes, We all fall down! (I have some sort of indescribable vision here...)
The cool part would not be the relentless sadomasochistic wordplay of Ring around the Rosy, but when you played the music backwards, which would require vinyl or something, but whatever. Yeah, so the drums would beat out Satanic messages...in Morse code!!! Maybe not Satanic stuff, but I could at least work out Gay Baby episodes. That would be so weird. I wonder if anyone has done this already. So let's find out. Everyone, figure out a way to play your music backwards, learn Morse Code, and figure out what the damn drums are saying to you!
I had fun today playing Ultimate Frisbee. I actually held my own, despite the prevalence of first-rate Frisbee talent, such as the Schlichter. It was a "classic" game, for two reasons. One, Green has surpassed me as the shittiest Frisbee player on the track team. (Although I'm probably better than Domier, Kirill, Max, subbies, etc...) Two, when we all finally agreed to a gamepoint round, the battle to score that winning point managed to last 18 minutes. I had no idea it was possible to go 18 minutes without scoring, especially with only nine people playing. Best of all, I got the last goal, although it was really anticlimactic, as I was really really wide-open, and had a catch that no one could've screwed up, so I didn't screw it up.
One of my weird hang-ups this week, that shows more than anything else, how goddamn bored I am, has been inventing palindromes.
My favorites:
Tulsa nightlife: filth, gin, a slut (Mark's)
Stressed Lana's aim was avid, a diva saw Mia's anal desserts.
Anal stew god won, now dog wets Lana.
Mine are fairly simple as of now, but I may make more later, if intense boredom settles, which it likely will.
On a semi-related note, I have an AIM subprofile now. It's still way too constricting, but at least I can put lots of bland crap in there, just like everyone else! Why was this a semi-related note? Because my subprofile is special! It has random palindromes! Yay! There I go with the fake excitement again. It's a very sarcastic, mocking excitement. But maybe you don't know that! I'm not actually speaking to you, am I? Tangents, tangents, and more tangents.
Speaking of tangents, we had a Math test today. (That was either really corny, or really clever, I'm not sure which.) The great part was that I didn't study, but again the gentle hand of my god intervened. I failed to finish everything, as did lots of people, so Mr. Bild actually gave us an extension! I get to finish my test Monday! If I get less than an A, I deserve to be spanked. Hard. And if that very spanking descends into a Ginny Weasley-Professor McGonagall lovefest, as spankings tend to do, all the better.
Okay, maybe I'll stay. Or will I?
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/25/2003 09:51:00 PM
wow, back to this damn blog, i guess the only reason dan let me on was to have the sexual pleasure we all know he gets when he deletes my posts. oh well, i will post another meaningless post; here i am, sitting at grainger when i see a subbie, Marcus by name, playing a seemingly pointless, yet entertaining game. naturally, i ask where i can get it, he says it's on studshare, so i go there and play me a game. i'll have to explain thsi game before i go any further, it's name is "blobby-volly" and you are a blob playign voleyball against anotehr blob. 2D graphics, so ya know it rocks, and the gameplay is that you move eitehr left, right, or jump, to hit the ball back over the net to the otehr side. there is a one player mode that i quickly found, and won although i found out my controls when it was 0-10(them). this made me think that i am the supreme ruler at this game, so i decided to challenge the subbie on a one on one game over the network. this game was a nail-biting-suspence-DAN-it-why-cant-i-hit-the-ball-right kinda game. i scored the first point by luck because the subbie hit it down instead of up, then he scored, then me, then him, then me, and so on alternating until it was 9-10, when he took off like a mad-man and scored to 9-14, where he lost it due to a bad serve. then it was my turn to get revenge, i scored two points prettyu quickly and then hit it down on the serve, which made the subbie cry "YES!" in teh middle of grainger, so everyone lookde at him. it was his serve 11-14, he hits it to me, i hit ti back, he misses and I SCORE!!!!! which causes me to yell out. everyone looks at me, and the-subbie-with-the-sliver-deck gets interested and starts cheering for me. i attempt to get my revenge once again, and this tiem actually doing it, so by the time i make a dumb mistake it's 14-14. if anyone scores two consecutive points, they win the game. bye this time, we both know what each otehr's weaknesses are, i can't hit high balls, and he can't hit low ones. naturally we would exploit these, except for the fact that we dont have any control over the ball. anyway, he serves, we hit it back and forth untill it's really suspence ful, then he misses, and i get the serve, i score after about a full minute and then mess up, 15-14. then he hits it straight at me, and i jump over the ball, making me yell "NO! YOU IDIOT!" at the computer. by now everyone knows we are crazy. 15-15. we both lose the serve about 4 times each, and then he scores, putting him ahead again 15-16. here i swear not to be all noob-ish and lose my first game, so turn around and beat teh crap outta the subbie and eat his corpse, no, i just decided to bust it out and whoop him on the game instead. i served, and he hit it straight to the ground, which made him mad and tied the score at 16-16. i score again, putting myself in the lead 17-16. game point, if i get this, i win. mucho-suspenseo. we hit the ball back and forth fro 4 minutes straight, until i finally hit a low shot and the subbie misses, ME WINNING THE GAME!!!!! YAY!!!!
ok anyway, the point was that i can whoop up on subbies on games that ive never played before, and that blobbyvolley is a great game. everyoen should get a copy. and last but not least, Star-Tropics for the NES was, quite possibly, the best game that has ever came out for a nintendo system. well, that's my really long post.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/25/2003 05:23:00 PM
4.24.2003 :::
I'm just gonna talk about my race yesterday, cause it was fun.
I was in the 3200, and it was a fresh-soph only meet, so I thought I would have a good chance to win. And I was right. It was really dramatic, cause I started out in 10th place, 7 or 8 seconds behind this huge pack. But, I know how to pace, so as others slowed down, I started picking them off one-by-one. Some people were stubborn, but they all fell behind me, until I got to the last lap running strongly in 2nd place. Unfortunately, I couldn't catch the guy in 1st from Tri-Valley, and then the guy on my neck from Fisher outkicked both of us in the last 100 meters. It was cool, tho, cause I got 11:17.3. While I've run 11:10 before, according to Slic at least, the fact that I was running on cinder makes this race equivalent to about 10:57. Which means I MUST break 11 minutes at the SJO Classic, as Zuke and I go head-to-head.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/24/2003 07:28:00 PM
4.23.2003 :::
haha you should dress up as vishnu
i just read the shout out
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/23/2003 01:15:00 PM
4.22.2003 :::
I need to post... not.
::: posted by Dan at 4/22/2003 03:16:00 PM
I was watching the power ranger movie on saturday (ah the joys of 500 channels) and it was very interesting...
the rangers walked up to the temple, ad the leader went and knocked on the door. then all these creatures came alive outta the stone and started to attack them. they all run away, and of course the girls each get trapped around 9000 times and the boys hafta save them. then it was time for tomek to come over so i had to turn it off. it was the biggest heartbreak of my life.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/22/2003 07:03:00 AM
4.21.2003 :::
Monkeys and pies
I love Kirill's thighs
Today was my best practice ever!!! (That needs to win some award for smooth transitions, as well as a contagious preppy excitement.) Ay yi yi, Rangers!
But seriously, I kicked some ass. We ran two sets of 800-400-400-200-200, followed by 4 100's. The 1st set I went pretty fast, 2:39-1:16-1:17-:38-:38, but the 2nd set was awesome. 2:37 was enough to beat Skye and Kangway, then I ran 1:12, which was just wicked, followed by 1:15, :35, :35.
Zuke asked me what I would do with a million dollars as we walked onto the track. I told him I would buy myself a threesome with Barr and Laura (track coach), an event which Kirill and I agreed would be amazing. Zuke made a run for it, wisely.
I want to see if I have my old episodes of Power Rangers still. I used to have at least 2 full seasons of the show. It was my favorite, and for good reasons.
For one, it was nice and racist. The Black Ranger was black, the Yellow Ranger was yellow, the White Ranger was white, and the Red Ranger was red(Native American). Maybe because it was a foreign show. Either way, it's funny as hell. It also had the greatest comic tandem of all time, Alpha and Zordon, although Rita Repulsa was great as well. Alpha was this little robot that went around saying Ay yi yi, Rangers! Zordon was the floating head in the tank that had a big deep, gurgly voice, that managed to keep serious while giving out these bizarre missions.
Sample Dialogue:
Red Ranger (beats hand to mouth): I am getting a signal from Zordon!
Black Ranger: Fo' shizzle, my nizzle.
Yellow Ranger: Ching chong!
White Ranger: I reckon we oughta get ourselves some coonskins first. And I gotta scratch all that earwax out of my crotch.
(They teleport away.)
(And appear in Zordon's lair.)
Alpha: Ay yi yi, Rangers!
Red Ranger: Chief say this no look good.
Zordon: Burble burble burble.
Black Ranger: Say that again, foo! I can't talk that white-speak!
Zordon: Gurgle gurgle gurgle.
Yellow Ranger: Ching chong!
Zordon: BLURBLE BLURBLE GURGLE GURGLE!
White Ranger: I'd be lovin' to get back to my trailer, if y'all don't mind. Elmer and me, we're gonna hunt some wascally wabbits.
Alpha: Ay yi yi!
You get my point. What a totally classic show.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/21/2003 08:34:00 PM
4.19.2003 :::
Can it be true?
Am I actually writing a blog post???
Lots and lots of things are happening, all of a sudden, but I can't talk about them, cause it's all rumors.
I think a really cynical summary of my day would be nice:
This morning, I awoke, and for once, I didn't masturbate. I left my room, and entered the hallway. I used the toilet, and then I headed out into the living room. That was my day.
Easter is such a shitty holiday. There's no point in a holiday unless it's on a weekday. I told my sister, that at midnight, my stepmom would howl at the full moon, and turn into a giant rabbit. Then, she would hobble around our backyard awhile, shitting out eggs of many colors. Then, being the Easter Bunny, she would try and make it around the world, except she would fail miserably. This wasn't that exciting of a story, except my dad almost crapped his pants laughing. I asked him why, and he just said "I just got a really sick visual". I did too. It might have been better if you were there.
It's harder to sit down and write than I remember. Something's plugging my flood of ideas, and it isn't my sister's penis. I just typed that so my dad would see. I don't think he did, which is arguably a good thing.
Possibly will be resumed later...
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/19/2003 10:38:00 PM
4.17.2003 :::
i havent just sat down and talked about me day in so long either.
but unfortunatly its 624 in the morning, yuki is not online like always, and i need to eat some sugar coated peices of cardboard (my frosted flakes)
so i will come and add to this post later.
i think i will talk about cheese
yes
in fact i will
okay so here we go
yang is sitting next to me and he is being really mean JUST because i told him that yuki had a dream about him in an orgty i cant believe that hes being mean AND cynical
gosh
stupid yang
so anyway i dont like cheese cause its so icky
he just called me and idiot
yang not the cheese
so the subbies are here and ito was reading over my shoulder
its a real turn on
i dont feel like saying what im really thinking right now so im just making crap up cause i want to be on teh blog forever
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/17/2003 06:27:00 AM
4.15.2003 :::
I haven't just sat down and talked about my day in so long...
I could tell of my own personal struggles, which I've had a lot of, but that would bore me.
So I'll talk about running. Even with my extremely fluctuating work ethic, I have still had an extremely successful track season thus far, surpassing my highest expectations. Right now, I'm gearing up to break 11 minutes in the 3200, beat Zuke, and lay permanent claim to the varsity spot I have held the entire season.
Today's long run was nice and fun. For some reason, I started singing "Like a Rock" from the Chevrolet ads while we did stretches. Then Skye joined me, and we did a great duet, which was really surreal. Naturally, Schlichter Schphincter knew the entire song.
On the actual run, we headed over to Memorial Stadium, and screwed around on the football field. Only the Schphincter and I were able to leap high enough to touch the goalposts, which was cool. Then, we screwed around in the locker rooms. Surprisingly, there was no erotic contact, but obviously Kirill was hoping for some. On our way back, we cut through the grass of some fraternity, which, being a fraternity, had lots of drunk college guys standing on the grass. Conversation:
Guy: Hey, guys, don't use the grass, use the fucking sidewalk.
Guy 2: Yeah, can't you see we're trying to grow grass.
Guy with hands unexplainably in pants: Yeah!
Skye: Well, I don't see what your problem is. I mean, you guys probably piss on it 5 or 6 times every day!
(Frat guys stand up, menacing, if confused, looks on their faces. Skye runs for his life.)
As I told the Tedmonkey, my plan today was to write a short, normal post, because going by the state of this blog, this sort of post is as radical as any.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/15/2003 07:44:00 PM
4.13.2003 :::
Hm, I read this guy's blog... pretty wierd, 'cause in he course of about 4 houurs he goes through what must be pages upon pages of details about how he makes erotic vids. This is one fucked up asshole, though I can't say if any of his was involved. I would really like to know who the fuck he really is, and what sort of elaborate business he runs. So, Heimen, go ahead and introduce yourself. We're waiting, you cute little porkpimple you.
neway, I'm sitting here around 12:30... finished a chat with dawn and her "party" mates... which includes pretty much everybody in that particular group. Here's a link!
TEMPORARILY DELETED
Also... there's now a group email under hotmail- Jerry, you can ask me about login shit.
::: posted by Dan at 4/13/2003 12:37:00 AM
4.12.2003 :::
NEWS ALERT:
We have ourselves an invader, going by the alias of "Heimen Beithoffer". There's some not-so-cleverly disguised perversion in that name. Anyways, Heimen, if you actually read this post, can you leave a shout-out saying how you got into our blog? I guess you can probably find it, but it seems unlikely that someone would find it unless they knew what they were looking for. Either way, it's scary. And yeah, Herbert isn't exactly mainstream, most Uni people think Gay Baby is stupid, too.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/12/2003 08:41:00 PM
Surprisingly short coming from you, Jerry! Though I almost got my parent's attention when I saw the "this is the way we fuck our men" part... absolutely divine.
Wow, I think the only purpose for the poll is to measure Barr's fast clicking skills. Meanwhile, the search for a better poll continues...
::: posted by Dan at 4/12/2003 07:47:00 PM
AHHH HES STRAIGHT?????
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/12/2003 01:36:00 PM
Herbert the Heterophobe continued...
(Gay Baby awakens in his bed, wondering if he had made the right decision.)
GB: Oh Herbert, did I make the right decision?
HFH: No, no you didn't!
GB: Herbert??!
HSH: We've figured it out now, Gay Baby, you're the hetero here!
HFH: For once, the Second Head is right. No self-respecting gay man could turn down a partner with two heads.
GB: I'm sorry, I just don't feel discrimination is the answer. And with you, it's so intense. It almost makes me wonder if you two are the straight ones. I mean, at least one of you must be straight. What are the odds that you could take two random people, fuse them together, and they would both be gay??? Very slim!
HFH (taken aback): But I know I'm gay! Second Head???
HSH: F-f-f-ucking heteroes???
HFH: Second Head, you're straight!!!
HSH: No, First Head, don't you remember the times we've had together. Don't you remember how we would go to straight weddings? How you would take the man, and cover him in your semen, effectively sticking him to the wall. Then don't you remember how I would rape the woman in the ass, and sing, "This is the way we fuck our men, fuck our men, fuck our men, This the way we fuck our men, and you have no cock!"
HFH: But Second Head, you were raping the woman!!! And you enjoyed it!!!
HSH: Nooo nooo nooo. I can't be a hetero! It's against everything I stand for!
HFH: But why, Second Head, why would you pretend to be gay???
HSH: Because, as a small boy, I just wanted to be like you... When you came out, I decided it would be more convenient to be gay, since we are on the same body...
HFH: Oh Second Head...
(They embrace, or at least as much as they possibly can.)
GB: Well, I'm glad you two can reconcile.
HSH: Thank you, Gay Baby, now I can be a homophobe, the way I should've always been.
(walks over and slaps his other head)
HFH: Ow!
HSH: Fucking homo!
HFH: Fucking hetero!
(They laugh.)
HFH: Now, can we date, Gay Baby?
GB: No,no, we can't.
HFH: What???
GB: All this talking has made me realize something.
(ominous silence)
GB: I'm straight.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/12/2003 11:48:00 AM
4.11.2003 :::
As a further mention to anybody wshing to edit the blog's poll (namely Jerry, or someone else if you get approved), copy and paste the SECOND text, and make sure the width is 500 instead of 150.
::: posted by Dan at 4/11/2003 03:17:00 PM
4.10.2003 :::
Ever have one of those days when that big bitch life decides to give your balls a squeeze or two, ‘cause you won’t pay up? Well, I certainly do. Today just happened to be one of them. Let’s read off the numbers, Bob.
First is Japanese, in which I usually do the least amount of work possible. So sensei wanted our groups to write this outline thingy, and Michelle got up in my face about her doing it all by herself. I think that work should be divided proportionally among members based on relative knowledge. From her point of view, I’d write the title, and she’d be doing the rest. Zuke? Oh yeah, he’s in our group too. Doesn’t matter anyways. So Michelle gets me to start on it, albeit just a tad lethargically, and keeps on mentioning how much of a dork I was. Being the nice, passive person I am, I promptly tore the few sentences on my desk into shreds. I left Michelle to finish my work, because I’m a group worker. I could really tell my day was going to be dandy. Ha! DANdy! Get it? Get it? Huhhuhuhuhuhuh?
I suppose the middle of the day went by without major incident, but Mr. Russell’s more than necessary presence near our group was more than enough to agitate me just a little. In case none of you knew, I am fairly convinced he holds some deep rooted hatred for me. Either that, or the group I’m currently in. A while back Kyle (who was, surprise, in my group) showed him some pretty data points we had gathered. His reply, as Hillary can testify to, was “Wow, even ugly people can produce pretty results.” This man, this single man, is one of academia’s worst nightmares. I’m pretty sure all of you are aware of this particular fact in some degree or another, so I’ll skip on the details. Why? Because I’m a man who likes to get down to business. Slap me a deal, my friend, and I’ll drink my beer and pull out my pen. Just point me to the dotted line that says, “Signature of Victim.”
Oh, and, for the sake of plot, I also managed to free a loose rod/bar/pole/(insert term without sexual connotation) from a chair during math.
Now it comes to the real deal, the big one, the extravaganza, the hullabaloo down yonder, the climax to end all climaxes. I can safely say that after history my “Pull out a gun and shoot anything that so as much looks fleshy” meter went from Eminent to Slight Risk. So, here’s what went down. Class begins as normal. I keep a moderate interest level, considering the topic was about my paper- until I notice that Kirill hasn’t been just lightly patting my back, and that those weird hee-hee-hmm-hmm-huuuh-huuuh noises aren’t just a figment of my imagination- Kirill has been putting paper clips on my back, and Dawn (who, btw, is most likely to be the first to read this post- HI DAWN) and Jerry are snorting and doing that nice shoulder blade movement that is so commonly associated with mild humor. Suddenly I feel the very EXTREME urge to whip out my metal rod (arrr matey, not me dick, the one in me ‘pack), turn around, and tear Kirill a new asshole. Well, I had been tired the whole day, so I might have just widened the one already present. See if that might settle his argument about his dick. I know the event in mind is pretty trivial, but I was in a really bad mood to begin with.
Wow, almost a full page of ranting. I like it when I’m on a roll.
::: posted by Dan at 4/10/2003 09:48:00 PM
4.09.2003 :::
so i am going to raise the average even higher by once again not posting...I just wanted to say that MAX IS STILL MADLY IN LOVE WITH BETSY and i feel sorry for her cause he might try to lick her like he did with felix...*shudders*
you dream abotu your mom??
that is SO wrong
and max are you MADLY in love with betsy or is that just my opinion?
----Dan:
For some reason i just like editing posts more than creating new ones. So I'm adding to Casey's here in order to legnthen the content, and in the process, bring up our average character per post count, if there is such a thing. Wow, yes, like a plague, the thought of Domier has spread to me and now I am obliged to struggle with it in a hot, steamy, mental fantasy. So, I think we've pretty much cleared up the fact that Domier's gay, if the story about frenching another guy wasn't enough. By the way, I'm still a member of his blog... I should probably make a healthy "contribution" soon... Anyway, what was I typing? Ah yes, Domier. A quant subject, I should say. Quite posh. As Kyle put it, "Use lots of big, complicated words that are hard to pronouncerate." Speaking in a pseudo-british accent helps, too, if you want a flock of burly gay men to descend upon you. Damn, 2 tangents in a row. Back to Domier. Yes, he's quite gay. He's made grabs at my nipple on several occasions, doesn't seem to mind retaliation, and has a strange fascination with cheese. So, is Domier gay, or is Domier a heterophobe? Who knows. I think a good way to test would be to have him suck somebody's cock, and tell him it's a hetero cock. Wether or not he bites it off will deicide.
Speaking of phobes- Tomek is a homophobe, and a hypocrite. During first and second, he was talking profoundly about iMovie. He came in fourth mute as a Fellatio State alumn, and within 10 minutes had managed to retrieve a ribbon from Scoobs. He later decided to contribute his 400 pr, 1:40 (which is, btw, a disgustingly slow time)- then spoke again, telling Kyle the chem homework. This means obviously, that he disrespects homos, and is therefore a homophobe. When we told him this, he decided to show that he wasn't by sitting on Jerry in many different positions. Nonetheless, we remained unimpressed by his total disrespect for his fellow man. Later, in math, he promptly fell silent. I love this guy- in Japanese, he got up, walked over to the cabinet, and played the doors like drums with his head, singing the can-can. It was really funny. He also claimed that he had gone awake for 7 days straight without sleep- which for some reason I highly doubt- he also claimed much earlier that a 5 year old girl had fingered herself in front of her. All of these I can assure you are genuine-bonafide-electrified-ghettoside-lies. It's really funny though, and worth the embarrassment he can cause in public places.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/09/2003 05:59:00 PM
Did i miss something here???
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/09/2003 03:40:00 PM
4.08.2003 :::
It's been "pointed out" to me that this post has some errors. I'm keeping the errors, partly because Sodomozing is a good word, and no one will really care, except maybe you.
--Episode 3 of "Strangers in Moscow"--
N: So, Kirill, armed only with his wits and CaseyFarid in penis form, ventures out alone to Anarctica. Without his father to guide him, he has to rely on CaseyFarid for directions.
K: (holding CF like a divining rod) Anything yet?
CF: I told you, I'll point up when I sense something.
K: Not down?
CF: I'm a penis, damnit. What did you expect?
K: Alright, alright.
CF: Hm... I think I smell something. Go west.
K: You don't have a nose!
CF: You think that stops me from smelling, like having no ears would stop me from hearing?
K: I'm getting tired of sodomozing myself with icicles. Hope you're right. (turns west)
... after a few hours of walking and sodomy ...
K: Damnit CaseyFarid, we still haven't found anything, besides some more icicles, which I've already melted in my anus.
CF: Hm, alright, now go north.
... a few days later ...
K: I've already eaten my nipples, and drank my semen! How much longer?
CF: Here it is! (sticks straight up)
K: Perfect! (takes CF, now erect, and digs into the snow.
CF: Ooh! That tickles! Ouch! We've hit something hard!
K: No, that was just my dick.
CF: Oh.
... some more hours of digging, with intermittent sex ...
K:At last! We've found it! A frozen douche!
D: Dat's right foo, y'allz found me. Now get yo dick out of heah, and don't foh-get CaseyFarid!
K: Next, we find Scoobus - boob, held captive by the wild amazoness queen of germany, Herr W!
--End--
::: posted by Dan at 4/08/2003 11:00:00 PM
okay i will hit publish
all night long baby
all night long
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/08/2003 05:44:00 PM
Casey, you should hit "publish" so we can see your wonderful posts as soon as possible. Don't worry, life as a penis will be surprisingly short. I'll put off the thrid episode for a while... I need more inspiration. Something like a ray of light shining form the clouds on someone's crotch. Yeah, that would be nice. Or, the voices of a million people crying out in unison... then being silenced by the crack of a whip. Yup, just waiting for the right moment... It may come sooner than you think. You never know...
So when I woke up at 7 today (on days like this one I usually begin by saying a random obscenity- it usually helps in describing the dya to come.) I jumped up and put on pants and a T-shirt. Later my dad questioned my sensibility ("look, it's 36 degrees!"). What I want to know is, should we be told by others why we shouldn't wear something? I mean, nobody can really tell us if we're gonna be comfortable or not, much less make that decision for us. Can you imagine your mother waking you up and saying, "I've averaged the temperatures in this week's forecast and compared them to the chart- you'll be wearing these today." How about your dad? Your sibling? Your TOILET? I mean, it wouldn't be all that great. So while we're in our adolescent heat and able to wear shorts in the winter / late fall, I say people get off our backs. The front side is more mutually enjoyable.
So, now I'm at Grainger- the FAN two seats to the right of me is playing something like Marvel vs. Capcom (asking me how I know this will not explain anything)- In fact, he has a history of Tribes, Tribes, and, well, Tribes. Thrice's the charm, 'f you don't mind me saying so. What is it with subbies and their affliction with old, outmoded, and stupid games? I'll bet if he pooled his collective gaming will, he could manage to find a good Unreal Tourney download, or even Warcraft 3. Unfortunately, much like himself, this motivation is suspended in a large tub of fruity gelatin, struggling to escape. Mmmm.... gelatin.
I think I'll add a third random topic while I'm at it.
So, the Georgetown-Ridgefarm meet is today. I have fond recollections of this particular meet- it marked the beginning of the unfortunate windy-chilly meet chain that would continue on for quite a while. God, I hate this state. Nothing against the school and stuff, but the weather here sucks the big one. I remember the team setting up camp behind the cover of the large football bleachers (as I have almost no doubt they are doing now) to seek shelter form the wind. Nonetheless, running was quite horrible. Of course, the assigned workout was promptly forgotten- I believe I ran in the 4 x 2 and... yeah. That's it. Wait, maybe I did the 4 x 1. Maybe. Though I only placed in the 4x2... fifth place! Yeah! A ribbon to the losers- how remarkable. Reminds me of a meet a while further- PBL, I believe- in which two other teams were disqualified, leaving Uni to get FOURTH in the 4 x 2. Aaaah Yeeeaaaah. I loved my sprints team so much - Max, Gooler, Sungy, and myself- it was, to say the least, enlightening.
::: posted by Dan at 4/08/2003 05:09:00 PM
4.07.2003 :::
YES IM BACK IN THE GAME
and way to be too
i always wanted to be a penis
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/07/2003 02:14:00 PM
::Episode 2 of.... "Strangers in MOscow"::
Narrator: We return to Kirill, who, despite having a head in Gay Baby's trophy room, has survived his endless pain and torture (mostly with his dad) in order to rise up against the upcomoing threat of a Gay Baby World. While GB and Herbert meet in the restoraunt, starting his adventures with his dad, he travels to Champaign, Illinois, where he will take on the Guardian of CaseyFarid's soul in order to revive him/her. ... Their search leads them to ... Uni...
Kirill: By Jove, father, I suspect we shan't be going any further! The ancient scriptures we found in Barr's ass have led us all the way here... I wonder if we'll find what we're looking for?
KD: If you're talking about CaseyFarid's soul, I have it right here. It was in my nipple.
K: Damn you and your nipple! It always finds things before we do.
KD: (Pulling CaseyFarid's soul out of his nipple with a large squishing sound) Well, yes. Anyway, we'll still have to slay the beast guarding it.
K: Why don't we just run now?
KD: It still has a strong bond to the beast, and we shall have to kill it to revive CaseyFarid.
K: Look out! Here it comes!
Emerging from locker 150, a small yellow panda bursts from inside. It roars.
B: I am the guardian of this here soul! Being its legal guardian, I also have sexual rights! You may not touch it unless I am dead, in which case the rights shall be reversed.
KD opens his sphincter and swallows the panda.
KD: Told you I needed some stretching.
K: True, true! Now, let us begin the revival process. (He lays the soul down, and proceeds to stomp on it. Hovacs emerges from her office, outraged)
H: How dare you, Kirill!
KD swallows her as well.
H: MMM, there's a panda in here! Come here, you... (loud yells and screams echo from the anus)
K: Now! Let's continue! You have the essence of enema?
KD: Of course. (Sprinkles a enema-like powder across the soul, and it turns into a penis.)
K: Well, that was unexpected.
The penis wiggle, and its urethra opens.
P: What else were you expecting? An anus to complement me?
K + KD: Well, yes, actually.
P: Well, you'l have to wait till you get scoobus boob! Once all of us are united, we shall combine into the ultimate ZORD! Go go Kirill's Anus!
K: Alright then! Let's go! Next: Antarctica, to get Douche-X!
KD: I will rejoin you later, Kirill- I must settle some old business first. Go forth and spread my word!
::End::
::: posted by Dan at 4/07/2003 11:32:00 AM
4.06.2003 :::
Yes, my own miniseries!
Herbert the Heterophobe, Episode One
(This will be written more like an actual TV episode, less silly than standard Gay Baby, but still really weird, cause of the serious tone applied to a not-so-serious plotline.)
N: After his victories in Whell, Gay Baby has returned to the mortal plane, where he has purchased himself a beautiful apartment in Chicago. Excellently furnished, it possesses a home movie theater, a hot tub roughly the size of a swimming pool, and a specially designed "hunting lodge". But there are no animals here. No, Gay Baby, saves those for his hot tub. Instead, lie the heads of his nemesises. Kirill, Scoobusboob, Caseyfarid, Linder, and all the rest. However, one plaque lies vacant. Under it is scrawled the name "Alexei Lagoutchev".
GB (dressed in full-length purple robe, and stroking a cat, trying his hardest to look like a younger Dr. Evil): Ahhh, my Puddywinks, Alexei will be ours, in such a short time. Not even he can stand to my newfound powers! And with him out of my way, I will be the ultimate sex god!
(Cat's head fills screen and deep cat-like voice says:
V: Snausages!
(GB kisses Puddywinks.)
GB: But now, now it is time for my date, with that wonderful man I found at the bar, Herbert.
(Cat's head fills again)
V: Sex with Yang!
(Gay Baby strips naked and heads downstairs to his personal restaurant, Shucculent Snausages and Other Fine Shouthern Cocking. As he enters, his home-grown artificial people, all vaguely resembling various Uni faculty, file out of a black door, and take seats at the tables, beginning up artificial conversation. Just on cue, a tall, fat, balding man with two heads, enters. It is Herbert.)
Herbert's First Head: Hello, my dearest Gay Baby. It is so nice to see you succeeding so greatly. But you really need to do something about this carpet! It is so tacky!
Herbert's Second Head: (growls) There better not be any straight people in here. Fucking heteroes!
(Gay Baby's eyes fill with unrequited lust.)
GB: Oh Herbert, how could you be any hotter! I almost don't want to give you any venereal diseases!
HFH: Tut tut, my dearest Gay Baby. You are free to give me any disease you want. I'll just give it to my other head here!
GB: Hahahahha. Herbert, you are so witty!
HSH: (mumbling) If there are any of those damned straight people in here, I'm going to assrape 'em and see how they like it!
GB: Shall we have a seat?
HFH: Naturally, my darling.
HSH: I like you Gay Baby, you're a homo. Some mother cooked you up right. Made you superior and all.
GB: Second Head, why are you so prejudiced?
HSH: Why aren't you? Heteroes are slimy people. I hear if you touch one, you get leprosy!
GB: Sounds kind of like my anus!
HFH: Well-done, Gay Baby!
(dinner begins)
HSH: So, Gay Baby, do you have any parents? Particularly... Straight ones?
GB: Oh god no. I had a single father/mother.
HSH: Glad to hear it. Our parents were lesbians, just the way it should be.
(Gay Baby nods.)
(further conversation)
HFH: Gay Baby, you're such a charmer! I feel like I must make love to you, here in this restaurant! But... I don't feel comfortable with all these people around...
GB: Oh don't worry, they're not re---
HFH: I've got it! You can converse with me while my other head sucks you off!
GB: Splendid!
(The blowjob begins.)
GB: Unnggh. This is really quite a party trick, Herbert.
HFH: Isn't it simply fabulous??!
GB: So, aanngh, tell me, onnagh, does your cock have 2 heads as well?
HFH: Well, normally, I wouldn't tell anyone... But yes, yes, yes it does!
HSH (cock in mouth): I'm glad this isn't a heterocock. If this were a heterocock, I'd have to bite it off. Damned straight people.
GB: Does that thing ever shut up?
HFH: No... I share its views, but it's a little on the extreme side.
HSH: Finished! Your semen tastes like perfect butterscotch. Girls sucking guys only have to spit because heterosemen is so disgusting!
GB: 2 heads... We must fuck!
HFH: Be glad to. I presume your abode is upstairs???
GB: It is.
(Both get up, and are leaving, when the Second Head overhears some conversation between two men.)
Man One: I fucked that woman so hard, it was like carving a potato.
Man Two: That makes no sense.
Man One: Good point.
HSH: Hold it here, did I hear you say that you fucked a woman??!
MO(moos for homos): Yes, I did, you gay dildo!
HSH: STRAIGHT PERSON!!! BURN IN HELL!!!
(The Second Head inflates to disproportionate size and probes the man's ass with its long, forked tongue.)
HSH: THIS IS A HETEROANUS!!! IT HAS NEVER BEEN PENETRATED!!!
(The Second Head's tongue inflates, imploding the man's body!)
HSH: ANYONE STRAIGHT HERE! RUN NOW! IF YOU HAVE A HETEROANUS, I WILL KNOW! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!!!
(The fake people flee.)
GB: Good God, Herbert, what the hell is wrong with you? I could never fuck a man so destructive. Not even one with two heads, however kinky that is.
HFH (tears in eyes): No, Gay Baby! It's just him. He can be tamed, I promise!
HSH: DEATH TO STRAIGHT PEOPLE!!! LET'S GO ON A CRUSADE!!! FORM THE GAY GLUX GLAN!!! CRUCIFY THEM!!! STONE THEM!!! FUCK THEM IN THE ASS!!!
GB: I'm sorry, Herbert, it just can't be done.
(to be continued...)
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/06/2003 09:30:00 PM
You know what's wierd? about 40% of people who come to this blog come from moska.blogspot.com, mo's blog. Kinda shows who really reads it...
... Besides us. Anyway, the last episode left many plot lines letf to pursue, Herbert the Heterophobe being one of them. I guess I'll do my own miniseries on one possible deviation...
Episode One of "Strangers in Moscow"
Narrator, in that lovely British pedophile accent: We return our attention to the events after the Tournament in Whell, for now Gay Baby is supreme once more and soon he shall be unopposed in spreading his sexuality and STDs. But there will be those who will resist... mostly his defeated enemies in the tournament, for whom 2 deaths and assimilation by CaseyFarid has done little to hamper their appearance on the show. Though they are once agian alive, it will take serious orginization and sexual drive to unite them in a force able to face Gay Baby... this is the story of Kirill, and his rise to King of Homophobes.
(scene in Russia, with Kirill fucking his dad)
K: Mmm, it's good to be back.
KD: Yes, all seems erect now. Well, besides Tomek.
K: How do you know that?
KD: Simple! (Tomek pops out of his nipple) he's right here!
T: Hoot hoot hoot! I will grant you 3 wishes!
K: Never mind. (Picks him up and eats him) Anyways, what news of Gay Baby?
KD: I can see you're still eager to hear about him.
K: More like his penis.
KD: Whatever. He's in iraq, rallying the troops in the showers.
K: The showers?
KD: Where else?
K: Point taken. So how are we gonna stop him? We'll need CaseyFarid, Douche-X, Herr W, Scoobus Boob, and even Linder's soul!
KD: You underestimate me. First of all, my ass is 3 inches hisgher than where you penis is. Second, I can bring all of them back.
K: How?
KD: Like this: (Sucks in air with ass, jiggles it, then lets it out)
K: Wow, that's it?
KD: No, I was just doing that to stretch my sphincter. We need to travel the world in order to find each of our potential allies. First, we go to Chanpaign, to get CaseyFarid!
K: Hi ho, it's off to work we go!
End
::: posted by Dan at 4/06/2003 12:36:00 AM
4.05.2003 :::
does anyone kno who called me today??
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/05/2003 04:45:00 PM
hm, I guess I should post and publish so everyone can see Casey's theories...
yeah, that episode was a bit short-lived. Not that I'm gonna do anything about it, though.
::: posted by Dan at 4/05/2003 12:31:00 PM
anzukoski: womman boobies = bad
anzukoski: man boobies = good
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/05/2003 10:38:00 AM
4.04.2003 :::
Gay Baby Episode 10: The Chesty Cheeseburger Championships, Part IV (This is the last one, I promise.)
GB: Fuckfuckfuckfuck!
L: Oh my poor little Gay Baby, what can you possibly do now? Back on Earth, you could not even handle the wrath of my Linderboner. And now, I have an even stronger power, that of Satan's hemorrhoids!
GB: Fuckfuckfuckfuck!
L: And now Gay Baby, prepare to die!!!
(Linder begins to fervently scratch her hemorrhoids, leaving absolutely nothing up to the imagination, much to Gay Baby's disgust.)
(The beam of black light flows towards Gay Baby. It strikes him, but Gay Baby emits a white glow of his own that causes Linder's beam to harmlessly deflect itself.)
L: What???
(Satan's voice immediately fills both of their heads with its awe-inspiring monstrosity.)
S: MWAHAHAHA! HE IS THE CHOSEN ONE! THE ONE WHO CAN OVERTHROW KIRILL'S DAD AND RESTORE BALANCE TO THE FORCE!
(Satan then breathes like Darth Vader for comic effect, causing Gay Baby to laugh, and causing Linder's uterus to implode.)
L: Not even this "chosen one" can stop the infinite expandability of my glorious Linderboner!
(The Linderboner appears without warning, on the other side of Gay Baby. Gay Baby glances down, and sees that it has impaled him.)
GB: Oh fuck.
L: See! With Satan's powers, I can now control where my Linderboner appears! With you defeated, I can kill everyone simultaneously, before they ever know what hit them!
GB: Not so fast, Linder. I may be wounded, but I can still stop you.
(grabs the Linderboner and slams his penis into it, and watches in delight as it shatters, like the most fragile of glass.)
L: I may be dead now, but you've doomed your world, Gay Baby, because the weight of all that semen will overwhelm the world, crushing it like fruit!
(Linder deflates into nothingness, but there is a faint rumbling sound in the distance. Suddenly, the sky literally rips in half, and trillions of gallons of semen come rushing through, screaming words of corruption and devastation.)
GB: Wow! There's only one recourse now! The Ass-Vacuum (Hovacs)!
(Gay Baby nonchalantly plugs his ass into a nearby outlet, and an immense whirring noise begins to permeate the air as all the semen flows into Gay Baby's ass as if magnetically attracted.)
GB: Yum.
(Gay Baby's ass swells to unimaginable sizes, but after some days, all of the semen is firmly contained in Gay Baby' ass.)
GB: NOW that was arousing.
Okay, that was pretty stupid, even more so than usual, but it did advance the plot, and set the stage for Episode 11, Herbert the Heterophobe, a dramatic tale of love, hate, greed, betrayal, and an irrational prejudice against straight people.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/04/2003 08:06:00 PM
4.03.2003 :::
this sucks butt
a BIG BUTT
A JUICY ONE
YES YES YES!!!! it does
none of my posts are showing up
i hate it like i hate soemthing
ill think of that later
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/03/2003 07:47:00 AM
4.01.2003 :::
Gay Baby Episode 9: The Chesty Cheeseburger Championships, Part III
GB: Oh the repercussions of this seemingly placid event! I cannot be Satan's eternal sex slave, for he has been slain!
L: Better for you Gay Baby. Oh, how it is better for you. And now we continue! I will battle Douche-X!!!
DX: Fuck no! Can't you see I'm busy with Paul down here.
HW: Mmmmmmpppppphhhhh
GB: Yeah, with no reward involved. I don't really see the point!
CFKSB: I wish I could have absorbed Satan and Herr W, but no matter. I still want to use my newfound powers to fight!
L: I don't think you're strong enough yet.
(Casey turns and absorbs Douche-X, and gets a free Herr W as a special bonus prize.)
CFKSBHWDX: Mwahahahah! Now I am Caseyfaridkirillscoobusboobherrwdouchex!
GB: This is getting to be a little too much overkill. I think I'm going to go masturbate while they battle. Hopefully, they'll battle each other enough that they'll both kill themselves, again, or one will die and the other will be hurt, so I can make a quick slaying.
(the fight begins)
L: Prepare for a Superultramegahyperturbo Linderboner Attack!
CFKSBHWDX: Hahaha I will counter by pressing start, select, b, a, and rotating the control stick 360 degrees to produce my Superultramegahyperturbo Snausages Attack!
(The Linderboner attacks CFKSBHWDX and is easily countered by the power of CFKSBHWDX's snausages.)
L: Dear God! Nothing outside of Kirill's Dad can halt the fearsome wrath of the Linderboner!
CFKSBHWDX: The power of six sex gods can!
L: Well I have an extra trick or two up my sleeve myself. That is, the power of Satan!
(Linder sprouts short, stubby wings.)
L: Now, much like a penguin, I will take to the air and use the power of flight to overcome your sexgodness!
(Linder attempts to fly, but it is futile.)
CFKSBHWDX: Mwahahahah. No one ever told you that penguins are flightless waterfowl, did they?!
L: Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do with these satanic powers, then??? I doubt scratching these damned hemorrhoids is going to do much!
CFKSBHWDX: Mwahahahah. Try it and see! It can't hurt. Your time is almost at its end!
(Linder majestically scratches them, emitting a beam of black light that causes CFKSBHWDX to begin to melt.)
CFKSBHWDX: I'm meeeeellllllllltttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg!
L: Score!!!
GB: Oh fuck. How can I possibly deal with that kind of power!!!
(to be continued in a climactic part 4!)
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/01/2003 07:55:00 PM
Well, I guess that shows us what to expect from casey and lauren… tho the jerrymia thing was amusing… anyway, I shouldn’t be writing this. I should be looking for my spanish book. This is because I have lost it. Thus you all should look for it. It’s falling apart, says “sabias que” on the front, has my name in it… shouldn’t be hard to recognize… I realize that using this blog to post a lost message is a blasphemous blasphemy and grounds for rape but it was necessary. Moving on… Betsy looks very slutty in her soccer uniform. Tease her about it if you have a chance. At lunch today ben sands and dan and yuki were having this long conversation about fat people being bad, which I (ahem) DID NOT take part in, but was listening to when ben jesus suddenly exclaimed “ I hate fat people, goddammit”, this just as marylin upah-bant walked by. it was indeed a treasured moment. Incidentally, how big is the average clitoris? Sarah bial showed me this picture yesterday of this vagina with a positively enormous clitoris. I swear the thing was almost an inch in diameter. I’ve heard before that they’re mostly about the size of a pea. Something is definitely wrong here. Girls, don’t be shy, measure yours and tell us all about it!! Barr says he wouldn’t mind if you have pictures too, because he’s a perverse little gay white pimp. I KNEW IT!! BARR JUST ADMITTED THAT HE WAS GAY!! LIVE IN THE COMPUTER LAB!! ASK JEREMIAH IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME!! Very revealing. But he still wants pictures of your clit, especially if it looks at all like a penis. Jerry the Cherry!! Anyway. Betsy is definitely a lesbian. That was random. We, the ultimately superior powers-that-be, have devised a new system of gayness. This first came into use in rudimentary form in the last gay ratings, which by the way are available for public viewing by the place where we eat lunch by the elevator on the second floor ( Chris Beitel is the new gay guy! Tell your friends! This incidentally makes Drew Hauffe the ex-gay guy, although certain parties who will remain nameless have suggested that he should have kept his title indefinitely inasmuch as it was true (no offense drew) anyway, we’ve decided that guys who are nerds and can get girls are gay (BARR) and guys who are, shall we say, socially higher, at least according to themselves and can get girls are also gay (ANDY RENNER) whoops, typo. Anyway. That’s all for now, children, and be sure to ask tomek what the fuck is up his ass. I’m sure you’ll get an interesting answer.
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/01/2003 03:48:00 PM
Episode 8 of GAY BABY: Boobs be Back, Beware, Because of Bestial Butt Raping
Satan emerges, waddling across a red carpet with his royal carriage behind him (carrying his enemas), and emerges from a red carpet into a red stadium where all his evil whore minions are shouting "Doodle Doodle, Loodle my Noodle!" and jumping on one foot. Resting on a large red couch, he begins to have sex with his hores.
Audience : Give us the show already!
Satan:(mouth inside one of his hores) Mmfffff? I thought I was... nevermind. let's get on with the tournament. (Cheers from the audience)
ST: The first round of the tournament will be ...
DOUCHE-X VS. HERR W.
(Cheers from the audience)
GAY BABY VS. KIRILL
(Shouts from the audience.)
SCOOBUSBOOB VS. CASEYFARID
(Ominous murmurs, as CaseyFarid is one of the more feared and respected demons. Also, she assimilates people.)
MYSELF VS. LINDER (Loud cheers. Satan waves his enemas.)
Let the games begin!
First match: Gay Baby steps out of one gate, Kirill from the other. His father not being dead, he legally cannot use his summoning powers. Gay Baby, having suffered massive mutilation at the hands of Kirill's Dad, cannot use his PPP effectively. A large transvestite with wings bangs his steel cock on a bong, starting the match. The two ex-lovers circle around each other, twirling their respective whip and penis Kirill takes the initiative, and whips Gay Baby's penis out of his hand, and into his own.
K: Ha! I finally have what I always desired! Though being in hell makes it slightly less gratifying. Nonetheless, you are powerless, Gay Baby, my former love! GB: Think again, fool!
The penis in his hand grows to a massive, pulsating and gory size. It roars, and eats Kirill from one of its gaping wounds. The winged transvestite hits the bong again.
Satan: Kirill has lost! CaseyFarid, if you would please.
CF: Of course. (She sits on the regurgitated body, and ingests it through one of her many wounds. IronicAL that Kirill would suffer his fate at the hand of a fetish he always loved.)
Satan: Second Match: Casey Farid versus ScoobusBoob! The stadium is filled with disco lights as ScoobusBoob enters, wear White and Gold leather clothes.
SC: Doo-doo, Doo-doo
Doo-doo, Doo-doo
He was more like a pregnant man from a gay porn scene
I said don't mind but what do you mean, you have a boob?
Doo-doo, doo-doo
That is round, and hairy, and large
CFK: Enough! Let us duel! (Transforms into FaridKirill, armed with a whip and a high nasal/anal voice.) DING-DING! The transvestite starts the match once again.
SC: Fine. Bazoomka! (A his large tit fires from his chest, and knocks CFK off-balance.
CFK: That's it? Let me show you my secret weapon, the TRI-SEXUAL Charge! Charges at SC, switching sexuality preferences (gay/bi/tri), and confusing SC as to how he should attack. Unfortunately, he is crushed by CFK, and succumbs to her absorption via wound.
DING DING!
Satan: Mmm, this is arousing. Next, DOUCHE-X and Herr W! DING-DING! Douche X enters with his troupe of tomek bitches, and Herr W. just plain "enters."
DOUCHE-X: Go, my pretties! Ensnare him! His tomeks charge, and though Herr W seduces many of them and destroys their wuppuses, he is eventually overpowered. He is forced into position, though with not much resistance.
Herr W: (Seductively) Oh no, not the Gregoscomy!
D-X: Don't worry, you'll soon be sleeping with the fishies, if you know what I mean. He anally- rapes him, or rather just stuffs him into his large sac of sponge (or "penis"). DING!
Satan: Last round, Myself versus-
Linder: Too slow! (Her linderboner materializes and eats him, then returns into intangibility.) DING!
Linder: I declare myself the new lord of the Whorish Whell, you Whelps!
Now, for the next rounds: Gay Baby versus, Casey Farid!
Douche- X versus, Me!
Hahaha, now, let's take a break, cause I need to get acquainted with my new hores! _End_ That was fun, wasn't it? Jerry, I shall pound you into a puddle of Jerry-flavored condoms for stealing my gregoscomy.
::: posted by Dan at 4/01/2003 03:40:00 PM
dang it i had the best post in teh world but now its gone because MY COMPUTER IS HIGH ON JERRYS LOVE
aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
GIANT MAN BOOBIES
yes zuke told me all about that
it was great
that german was impossible to read to im postign instead
barf barf
::: posted by Anonymous at 4/01/2003 07:48:00 AM
